WTF! freedom where are you?!?!

why the fuck can't things just be easy? i have 6 weeks to get my shit together & i have been searching & searching for a way to help myself be financially independent but there are no programs out there to help WHITE women! if you are a minority you can get government grants all day long, especially if you are a woman in a minority trying to start a buisness! not for me though :( it's like the government wants you to lie & say your from another country :( the only way i can make my life work the way i need it to is to own a business so i can pay myself & control the income 100%. i don't want a loan though because that is even more risky... i already fall short when it comes time to pay bills, i don't need to add anymore.... until i get back at the money table :) i may just have to get a loan (as bad as i don't want to) just to see what happens... it's not like i will loose anything extra if i fail. i am determined to get to a place where i can do me :) i can't live like this much longer, i will work my ass off if it means i can get what i want & live the way i say, when i say. the most important thing in MY life is freedom to do what i want 24/7. that means spending time with my family, poling as much as i want, being healthy, being able to have a home & food on the table for all of my family... oh & health insurance! other than that i don't really give a fuck. i LOVE to shop but thats not the most important thing right now, freedom is! :)