6~10~11 early friday morning

6:34 am... i'm up, drinking coffee trying to get myself awake enough to pole for a little bit before work. i have been trying to pole everyday this week, i haven't tried that since last fall & so far so good. i really need to try to get my shit together & get some extra money coming in & hopefully my pole "skills" will help me do that :) but OMG right now i'm so tired because i didn't get out of work until 11 last night & i have to be back this morning. the International Pole Convention is this weekend & i'm not going :( having to actually work for your money is lame :/ i miss just being able to do whatever i say & dip out to wherever whenever i want... i'm hoping those days are in my near future again. used to i would go shopping everyday, only carry the newest bags & wear the newest/coolest shoes, have the latest tech stuff, dine out for nearly every meal almost everyday, drive expensive cars & all the other cool shit people at the money table get to do... not now! now i'm poor :( stupid ass economy! i never in a million years would have imagined i would actually have to work. i mean, working for fun is one thing but actually having to BLOWS! in some ways i'm glad i get to see this side of things because it makes me see how great i had it for so long, but i'm ready to live that life again! having to live on a restricted budget has changed me for the better for sure though! no more coach bags, no more endless shopping, no more getting my hair & nails 'did' & i don't miss those things all that much, it's the security that i miss. i never knew how it felt to be on a budget or how to "wait to get something i want that just came out today & i just have to have". it's lame but a good lesson. so with all that bitching about money anyone can see why i want to be back where i was before, it's my goal t get back to a carefree lifestyle... or at least be able to run my own life again & make my own schedule :)

my baby boy Bane will be 6 on sunday! thats crazy! my baby will be 6! Alizé will be 10 next month so that is even more crazy to me! even more reason to get my shit together & be around more.

OK, got to go get to poling... it's 7am! byebye :)