Tuesday morning.... 9.20.11

things like money & lack of time really get on my nerves! i don't understand how I am expected to come up with "X amount of money" a month but when i clearly do not work that many hours & i don't make that much an hour, it's pretty obvious i'm gonna need a little help & when i ask for it i don't get a fucking thing! um... "no free rides" seems to only apply to one person in this deal & it's not fair at all! lets see... my check was $470 (for 2 weeks :( ) & my power bill is $290, my gas bill for the house was $30... i had to get gas in my car & that was $65 (i'll probably need to get it once more before i get paid again), i had to order dog & cat food $60, not to mention i need to eat too! also i had to buy a $30 night cream, i have been having to use cheap shit & IDK how much cheaper i can get, $30 really is a very low price to pay for a beauty product! ok so as of now i am in the negative with my finances & i just got paid on friday! i won't get paid again until the 30th! WTF am i supposed to do?!?! && i am gonna be driving more now because of my new job :-D (i'm not complaining about that one, i'll be there if i have to walk, lmao!). oh & it's starting to get cool outside & i only have summer clothes to wear to my office job so i'm gonna need to buy some sweaters or something warm for the office since they don't have heat :( &&&& all of my street clothes are huge on me because i stopped drinking sodas... at least i have yoga pants, booty shorts & bikini tops that fit! lmao! i just don't understand how someone can chill with you somewhere everyday & stay there every night & just be like "figure it out" when it comes time to pay bills... && i would be expected to help if the shoe were on the other foot. O_o yeah... fucking blows! someday i WILL be able to stand on my own two feet & i can not wait for that day! when i can do that again i am gonna be so careful with my money, this shit is crazy! i am so scared that i am going to have to move to FL :( i don't want to go at all but now i REALLY don't want to go! i just got a fun new job at a great local studio & i couldn't be happier about that :) tonight is my first night & i am so excited! i keep a list of things to do & "get a job teaching pole" have been on there for months & i finally got one at a great little studio with some really nice ladies :) i don't want to have to give that up in a few months because of having to go live with mom & dad when i get kicked out of here. i am looking nonstop for a place around here to move in to but i have no credit now since BOA decided to fuck me over (whole other story) so IDK how i am going to "buy" or rent anything! even a little $60k house (that i would normally turn my nose up at) would be fine at this point. just some place around here where we (me & my babies) can be safe & call our own & not have to wonder if there is gonna be an eviction notice on the door everyday when i come home :( i need at least a 9ft ceiling in 1 room though because of my poling :) which i refuse to give up or give in on that one, without pole EVERYDAY i will go insane! i promise! & yes, i know how to make a tough situation even tougher, lol!

anyway, just needed to bitch a little.

&&&& i'm so EXCITED about working tonight! :D