YaKnowYaWannaBeMe

February 8th 2012

2012-02-08T08:49:00.001-05:00

last night i finished installing the clothes racks in our closet & i am trying to decide if i want to add one more row or not. the space is 6x13 so i did 2 racks, one for shirts & one for pants on 2 walls & still i have a whole entire 13 feet of wall open, i'm not sure if adding a rack to that wall will cramp our space or not. i think i'm gonna bring my hanging clothes over & let that help me decide :) shit i still need to fill the old nail holes & sand them... fuck! O_o i got drawer & shelf liner for the kitchen & man that is way harder to install than it looks, lol! it took me 15 mins to line the first drawer :) i did the other 3 much faster because i got in the groove of things but that was monday night & i still have 3 drawers to line & all of the shelves... i'm sorta not looking forward to the shelves, lol. i also have miss Alizé Elizabeth & Autumn Keyleigh's bedroom on my to do list, it only got halfway painted before we moved over here :( we had planed on moving over AFTER we had painted everything in primer but we went ahead & moved in before hand, so today i am gonna try my best to paint the top half of their bedroom & i would LOVE to go get their butterfly decorations out & hand them up so their room can be done... well, it will be done with primer & someday soon i'm gonna paint it a real color :) like hot pink with clouds & rainbows :)

oh & theres more, lol! Gary started painting our kitchen the same day i started painting the girls room & that didn't got finished either :( so i want to knock that out today OR tomorrow too! damn that kitchen is a hot mess!~!~! the former owners painted the trim the same color as the walls which is hunter green O_o super fun to paint over, lol!

today i would also LOVE to take some time to pole & i NEED to find a spot here to put my pole up! i am thinking about trying my hand at electrical work so i can move the ceiling light & put my pole there :D pretty scary stuff but if i wait on other people to do it i will be driving to moms to pole until Jesus comes home :-/ i have several places i could setup my 8ft & as soon as i have money i have an AMAZING space for a 10 ft! && that room needs to be painted 1st fosho && needs carpet or something done with the floor too since that must have been the "kool~aid spillin' room" :) lmao!

February 6th 2012

2012-02-06T09:33:00.003-05:00

since we bought this house (1`11`12) it has been non stop going & cleaning & fixing up. we were super lucky to have my parents come over to help us get it in order last weekend, they did so much & they had great ideas that we didn't even know about! we have been staying in the new place since last Tuesday & today i am finally going to fix up the closet so we can hang our clothes up && so i can get my clothes from my parents house. next on the list will be finishing painting the girls room with primer & then i want to paint it either light & bright pink with rainbows OR sky blue... i'm thinking pink would be a little cooler so as long as Gary doesn't care it's gonna be pink :) that will be awesome with their butterfly decorations! we are also in the process of painting the kitchen & finding the perfect blue for it & looking at oranges, yellows & reds for the living room. i have the best seat in the house to enjoy my morning cups of coffee :) i can see the train & i can watch wildlife :) it's perfect!

1~9~12

2012-01-09T09:09:00.003-05:00

12 years ago today i wrecked & totaled my first car. it was raining & i hydroplaned off the road, went down an embankment BACKWARDS, a telephone pole fell on my car. the car was totaled. i walked up the hill pissed off because "mud go on my stuff", i wasn't hurt, just a brat because my car was wrecked :( you can tell i was 16! looking back on that i am so thankful that i was OK, i wish i had been more grateful for my life being spared at the time too.

enough about the past, on to today & todays struggles O_o. if i have said once i've said it 1,000 fucking times, i can't be anything but true to myself & i don't want to be. i'm so tired of people trying to make me be something i am not. i am a lot of things but a stripper is not one of them. i do have a potty mouth & i'll admit i don't choose to listen to the most tasteful (lyrically speaking) music, but none of those things compromise my morals, beliefs or my self respect. i'm starting to think i picked the wrong line of work, the wrong sport, i think i may have put a lot of time & energy into something that is not right for me :( i'm at a loss for words. no matter how hard i push to have people see things my way i get pushed back at 1000x harder. i'm tired of being seen as hard to get along with when i know in my heart & soul i am not. i'm tired of being seen as a stripper when i know thats not true & never will be. i'm done with people who thing bad of me, try to belittle me & people who make things up about me & what i do. i think i need to make a 180 & focus on myself, my happiness & my finances & live the life i should have been living all along. mark my word there will be some hard feelings caused by this, i'll probably make some new enemies as well, but you know, it just doesn't matter. i want to be true to myself, 100% true to myself! && one more thing for haters to think about... you can't get blood out of a turnip ;) hehe.

you may not REALLY know who you are messing with but you are going hate it when you figure it out. i can do anything i can dream of & i dream big!

January 3rd 2012

2012-01-03T10:33:00.003-05:00

i can't believe it is already 2012! christmas was here and gone in the blink of an eye & so was our vacation :-/ we started off our holiday vacation by spending time with my daddy for the first 3 days, which was great! i'm so glad i got to spend time with him & actually visit & talk with out being on a time limit :) My dad & i also went to visit our family in SC & i enjoyed that a lot too! i rarely get to see them so i'm glad we made our way up there for a bit :) i also got to spend some time with my momma, not as much as i'd like but glad i got to see her & my baby brothers :)

Gary & i didn't do much for a vacation but we did have a lot of fun together :) we slept in everyday, played wii, darts, watch ghost stories && drank a lot of beer :) we went to the "nice" liquor store & built our own 6-packs of beer, i got a bunch of ciders :) && a 22oz Spire Mountain which was awesome!on new years eve we discovered the porch over looking the lake is a great place to watch fireworks :-D we had our own little show, it was super cold but it was wonderful! i LOVE fireworks!

today i need to try to make a video to submit to Xpole & Alethea for the Pole Show LA contest, today is the last day to enter so hopefully i can come up with something O_o

December 15th 2011

2011-12-15T10:07:00.002-05:00

after going thru hell the past few months i have finally started to be able to relax again. my nerves are not so frazzled & i actually feel at peace with all the things that have happened. going thru this mess has made me realize what is important, what i actually need (not just want) & even though things are not wonderful yet, i know they can be again. i don't have to have what i would have called "a proper home with a formal living room, formal dining room", for the past month i have been living with just a living room, 2 bedrooms, a kitchen & pole room & it's not as bad as i thought it would be. now take into consideration that i DO have a bad ass screened in porch over looking the lake at this place so that sweetens the deal just a bit too, lol! since i have been out of my home & staying here i have fallen in love with living on the water! that not a good thing since i doubt i will be able to afford something like that for a while... especially since i don't want to work much O_o

i got a new pole about a week & a half ago, it's a painted, 45mm 8-9 foot static pole, it's somewhere in the teal/jade family, it's great! i do miss spinny mode a whole lot but i am so happy to have a pole! i also got some cool new exclusive shorts from bad kitty :) they are not even released yet, only cool kids have them like Alethea, Karol & a few others... & me :-D yeah i'm feeling like a bad ass because of it, hehe! also in pole news, i have finally mastered the allegra, super pain, & my over the shoulder split is kicking ass too! my yogini is solid as a rock && my inverts are now straight legged (like they should have been all along), now if i can nail the shoulder mount more that 3% of the time i will be doing great! i'm teaching pole classes one night a week but i want to teach more! now that i do not have a day job i have more time to teach, work on new moves & be more involved/active in the pole community :) i'm so hoping it works out so that i can just do pole related things for work & not have to have a 9-5 or any BS like that! i hate working for other people (except robin of course, lol).

it is going to be 70 degrees today, only 10 days before christmas so it's kinda strange but i'm not complaining at all!

this is gonna piss some people off!

2011-12-08T11:25:00.002-05:00

i would like to say i HATE the US government & how this country is run! why in the fuck is someone who doesn't know WTF a PDF is working at a help center where their job is to receive email?!?! are you fucking kidding me!?!?!? i can't even find a fucking job & some dumb bitch who actually said "i don't know what no PDF is" can be employed & paid with MY TAX DOLLARS?!?!

all i have to say is if & when i get a job it's damn sure gonna be under the table! i'm not paying anymore towards this fucked up place!

Tree Poling!

2011-12-01T13:50:00.004-05:00

as everyone in the world knows i am now homeless & chillin' @ my parents house with nothing to do, no job, no money &&& no pole :( i am going infuckingsane!!!! seriously the only thing that can help me at this point is poling && a mental vacation! i was looking at some pics on FB a few mins ago & saw a pic of a chick inverting on a tree && i have trees all around me here so i'm gonna go try it out in a few :-D hopefully i can do it, get some pics && hopefully i don't die, LMAO!

really?!?!?!

2011-11-28T11:02:00.002-05:00

OK so on 11-8-11 i was given 14 days to get out of my house so i HAD to take time off work to get things packed up, figure out where the fuck to live && get moved! not to mention somehow find the ability to stay sane. it took me all of the 14 days to get moved & then of course my head was still spinning because it was the day before thanksgiving & i hadn't prepared a menu or gone shopping for our dinner yet O_o so i took 1 more day off & then it was thanksgiving day :-) work was closed on friday so that let me have a nice long weekend to recover from all the crazy shit that has been happening to me & around me. this morning i got up early, made myself some coffee && played online like i always do before work. i got a shower, got all gussied up for work, drove half way there & got a call telling me i'm fired! i shit you not! FIRED! really, Dennis? you know how crazy everything has been in my life & then you are gonna fire me? well guess what?!?! for someone who doesn't do shit & makes a fuck ton of money you would really imagine they would watch out for the ones who are actually EARNING YOUR PAYCHECK FOR YOU && allow them to keep their jobs. goddamn i can't wait until the tables turn & it is your turn to fall away from the money table, just as i did about a year ago. i don't wish that on anyone but when you are a jerk (or have been a jerk) it's hard not to sit back & wait for it to happen to them too! i can't tell you how much i have grown & learned from this mess. i can't wait until i am in a place in life where i can help people turn their lives around. this shit is crazy! fuck!

only 6 days left before i go O_o

2011-11-16T06:39:00.002-05:00

IDK when i blogged last but i went to court 11-8-11 & was told i have 14 days to get the fuck outta here :( my evidence didn't matter because BOA had already sent my home to Fannie Mae :( so i'm fucked. i still have not found a home to live in, the place i am going is in the same situation my home was in so it's only a matter of time && the best part is it's a week before thanksgiving! i have been so depressed & sad & to top all of that off i have been having to move all of my stuff with a quickness :( so needless to say i have not been to work since i went to court. if you know me at all then you know i can NOT handle stressful situations very well & i break down & go in to "hiding" or whatever you want to call it. i hope my life gets settled soon & back to a normal, calm life.

Done!

2011-11-04T07:06:00.001-04:00

I'm fucking done yo! Can't deal with the bullshit any longer. I wanna chill the fuck out , slow the fuck down&& be settled some place nice, with a nice pole space for me to dance && a nice yard for the pups to run & play. I'm so over everything it's not even funny! I need a day off... Actually I need like a month off! I need freedom! I need silence! I need me time! Fuck!

entitled? or smart?

2011-10-26T06:13:00.003-04:00

once again i have found myself in a situation that i am not so proud of but there is no going back now so it's time to make the best of it! i am losing my home for sure, 100% no going back! it's done! 7 years of my life, finances & love have gone into this place & now it's being taken from me all because of a misunderstanding about a "making homes affordable plan" that was totally bogus! now that all this has happened it has given me the chance to really think about what the fuck i'm doing here & what i really want to do. i hate to say it but i feel like living your life should be the #1 priority in your life! your family, friends & things you enjoy should come first & you work a job around those things. now some may say that is a fucked up way of thinking BUT stop & think about it for a second before you judge me or anyone else with that mindset because it really does make the most sense. you are only going to be alive for a maximum of what like 100 years? and you have no idea how long you have to live because lets face it, 99% of people don't make it anywhere near 100, even in perfect health bad shit happens & people die so can someone explain to me why you would waste your life away by working 24/7 at a job you despise? having drive in life is great & i'm not knocking that at all. i'm just saying i believe there are more important things in life that a job & money. i am going to move soon no matter if i like it or not so i am trying to take a good look at my like, my likes & dislikes & make my move accordingly. anyone who knows me knows i am a hard worker & i will bust my ass to get the job done & i am proud of that but i do not have the desire to work a 40hr work week at all! i enjoy LIVING! because of my way of thinking i have been called some nasty things lately & it's hurtful but i have to be honest with myself & i am the one who has to live my life & i have to live with the choices i make & have already made. i feel like i have done a pretty decent job thus far & i am proud of who i am, what i do & what i stand for. maybe i do have an entitled attitude & i don't mean to but i kinda do & that is who i am. sorry if you don't like it. i can promise everyone this: if you live your life working 24/7 you will miss important things in life, friends, pets & family members will pass away & will only be a distant memory & you will say "damn i wish i had spent more time with them", "i wish i had made time to call them & talk to them" your kids will grow up & you will miss a ton of important things because "you had to work" & didn't have the balls to ask off. you will age, time will pass & next thing you know you will be laying in a hospital bed, dying, looking back saying "i wish i had made more time for the important things in life". so guess what?!?! i'm making time now! fuck what everyone else says, thinks, does. i'm gonna do what i see fit, i most likely will end up in a tiny home with very little money for fun stuff but i will have time for what is most important! so before you judge me for my outlook on life, think about it & understand that those feelings you have towards me & my outlook are actually just jealousy.

"always be proud of who you are, what you have become & what you stand for! no matter what anyone else says or thinks! live your life for yourself & you will be the riches person in the universe." ~ ❦ Fluffy

wow!

2011-10-14T06:37:00.003-04:00

i was shocked when i saw a post on FB about one of the greatest pole dancers having an accident. at first i wasn't sure if it was pole related but now i'm pretty sure it was O_o i am probably one of the wussy-est pollers around & this doesn't help, lol! "safety first" has just been taken to a new level with me. i've never been one to try to wow people with my pole moves & if i feel the least bit insecure in a move a bail :) sorry but it's not worth breaking my neck over a cool trick, especially when i can go wipe the pole down & try again & probably nail it with out injury! now i am very interested in finding out what happened, what move she was doing, ect.

pole stuff 9.28.2011

2011-09-28T06:50:00.002-04:00

i decided i would work on routines for my new class(es) instead of poling for myself this morning since my arm was sore yesterday && i can do level 1 stuff all day without bothering it :) i hope i can come up with 2-3 today so i'll have them for my girls this weekend. as long as everything goes as planed i will be teaching my first class on my own in 3 days! yay!

pole talk....

2011-09-27T21:27:00.002-04:00

i just noticed that several of my friends from SV who started poling around the same time i did are working as instructors now :) i think it's pretty awesome that we all are making money doing what we love & we have come so far! looking back at some of the first videos of me poling is a lot of fun because i was so weak & really had no clue what i was doing, i'm glad i saved some of those! i <3 having pole in my life, sometimes it's my only escape from my stressful life. my shoulder is acting up again so that fucking sucks because i shouldn't pole when its like this... now wether or not i let it stop me is a whole different story ;) i would imagine it would be best to stay off it for now since i get to work 4 days this week & i don't want to mess my new job up.

:/

2011-09-27T16:53:00.002-04:00

i just wanna say that it's pretty freakin' bad when you feel like you won something when you come home & there isn't an eviction notice on the door O_o waiting to catch hell isn't my favorite thing to do & going to court sucks too! i can't wait to be settled in somewhere & not have to worry everyday!

Monday morning :)

2011-09-26T05:56:00.002-04:00

i had a great weekend! i got to teach the first part of the drop in class saturday & i realized that i didn't have ANY booty music on my iPod.... oops! luckily one of the girls in the class did. i put every "booty mix" CD i ever bought on there yesterday so bet your ass that won't happen again! i THINK i get to start teaching the full class this coming saturday night & start getting paid too! yay! i can't wait to pole in a few :) i;m trying to find a halloween costume for work & i need something with my "mid drift" area exposed & my legs too! i saw a sext cinderella a few years ago that i think would work but i can't find it now :( i have it kinda narrowed down to a few things: sexy army girl, cinderella, OR a witch :-D i would LOVE to be a witch because the song i want to do is "i put a spell on you" & i think it would be cute with a witch costume :D IDK what i'll be really though. i love halloween so i'm excited to get to dress up & have a party to be a part of. i was thinking halloween was gonna blow this year since my parents moved.

yay! It's Friday!!! September 23rd 2011

2011-09-23T05:29:00.003-04:00

good morning world! it's 5:30am & i'm up :) i haven't gotten up early all week because i have been working at the studio at night & i wasn't getting in until late at night &&& i poled everyday last week so i was having a lil' break ;) i am so ready to pole today! & OMG soooo beyond ready to stretch! i really, really love my new job as a pole dance instructor already, i get to work GNO tomorrow & i think that will be so much fun! i cant wait to have a level class too! i imagine that will be a while from now though but i'm still excited about it, lol! I got to help with a level 1 class a few nights ago & it was a lot of fun, i was so proud of the girls who came in! it was only their 3rd week ever poling & they all got the new things we were teaching that day really quick & made their moves from the week before look pretty :)

i love this!

now i need to find a house ASAP so i don't have to move anywhere stupid that could effect my job(s)!

:) yay!

2011-09-21T17:05:00.003-04:00

my first night at work went very well :) i believe i am going to LOVE this job! everyone is really nice, i get to do what i love to do & get paid for it! couldn't ask for anything better to have come my way!

Tuesday morning.... 9.20.11

2011-09-20T07:42:00.002-04:00

things like money & lack of time really get on my nerves! i don't understand how I am expected to come up with "X amount of money" a month but when i clearly do not work that many hours & i don't make that much an hour, it's pretty obvious i'm gonna need a little help & when i ask for it i don't get a fucking thing! um... "no free rides" seems to only apply to one person in this deal & it's not fair at all! lets see... my check was $470 (for 2 weeks :( ) & my power bill is $290, my gas bill for the house was $30... i had to get gas in my car & that was $65 (i'll probably need to get it once more before i get paid again), i had to order dog & cat food $60, not to mention i need to eat too! also i had to buy a $30 night cream, i have been having to use cheap shit & IDK how much cheaper i can get, $30 really is a very low price to pay for a beauty product! ok so as of now i am in the negative with my finances & i just got paid on friday! i won't get paid again until the 30th! WTF am i supposed to do?!?! && i am gonna be driving more now because of my new job :-D (i'm not complaining about that one, i'll be there if i have to walk, lmao!). oh & it's starting to get cool outside & i only have summer clothes to wear to my office job so i'm gonna need to buy some sweaters or something warm for the office since they don't have heat :( &&&& all of my street clothes are huge on me because i stopped drinking sodas... at least i have yoga pants, booty shorts & bikini tops that fit! lmao! i just don't understand how someone can chill with you somewhere everyday & stay there every night & just be like "figure it out" when it comes time to pay bills... && i would be expected to help if the shoe were on the other foot. O_o yeah... fucking blows! someday i WILL be able to stand on my own two feet & i can not wait for that day! when i can do that again i am gonna be so careful with my money, this shit is crazy! i am so scared that i am going to have to move to FL :( i don't want to go at all but now i REALLY don't want to go! i just got a fun new job at a great local studio & i couldn't be happier about that :) tonight is my first night & i am so excited! i keep a list of things to do & "get a job teaching pole" have been on there for months & i finally got one at a great little studio with some really nice ladies :) i don't want to have to give that up in a few months because of having to go live with mom & dad when i get kicked out of here. i am looking nonstop for a place around here to move in to but i have no credit now since BOA decided to fuck me over (whole other story) so IDK how i am going to "buy" or rent anything! even a little $60k house (that i would normally turn my nose up at) would be fine at this point. just some place around here where we (me & my babies) can be safe & call our own & not have to wonder if there is gonna be an eviction notice on the door everyday when i come home :( i need at least a 9ft ceiling in 1 room though because of my poling :) which i refuse to give up or give in on that one, without pole EVERYDAY i will go insane! i promise! & yes, i know how to make a tough situation even tougher, lol!

anyway, just needed to bitch a little.

&&&& i'm so EXCITED about working tonight! :D

there is something to be said about "just going for it" when your dancing around in your undies in front of strangers O_o

2011-09-19T06:12:00.004-04:00

"there is something to be said about just going for it when your dancing around in your undies in front of strangers O_o" so thats what i did when i went to my audition saturday afternoon! :) LMFAO! let me start off by saying, i was going to be early but then i passed the place & somehow got on the interstate, which caused me to be late O_O that made me nervous! i was already going to do a freestyle dance for the first time in my life with someone watching & then i was late! i was like: "OMG! WTF!" lol! so, i got there & i was late, luckily i had the owners phone # so i called but STILL i was late to a job interview! that has to be one of the worst possible ways to start off, lol! anyways, i got there late, they had a class going on & i was thinking they were gonna be like "ok thanks but no thanks" just from that but they were cool, asked me to chill for a few so i did. while i was waiting a chick i knew from the Alethea workshop came in :) i love running into pole people i know so that was nice. i went to change my clothes when i got done with that they told me to go stretch & plug in my ipod... so i did :-) i had a room full of poles to choose from, one on a stage & 5 sets of eyes on me, yup! the class was going to watch my audition! honestly i would have liked to use the stage but i'm 5 foot 5 without my 7 inch heels, so 6foot me wasn't about to try it not kick the ceiling on my free dance, so i used the poles on the floor :) i went with "Breather" by Emarosa for my slow & flexy song && i used "Sliver" by Nirvana for my fast tricks song :) i set them up on my iPod to have the slower one fade into the faster one so i could just keep going & it worked pretty good! the iPod did add a 2 second delay in between so i kinda fucked up right there a little, IDK if any one noticed O_O lol! i wore my mikaela shorts from Mika yoga wear in "Hibiscus" with a black sparkly string bikini top with my Adore 708's in chrome :) i think i did a good job, i had a few tricks i wanted to do & i nailed them, i even nailed the allegra! when i saw that i was going to be using powder coated poles i was like "YES!" because i knew i would nail all of my tricks! i ended up doing scorpio 2x! & i did reverse grab 2x too! i was going blank so i'm honestly glad i only did those two things 2x, lol! with all things considered i really though it went great! i got the job so i guess they thought i did OK too :) i feel like this is going to be a good fit for me & i just love their studio! it is setup & decorated in a style similar to like what i was going to use for my studio (when i thought that was an option over the summer). it's dim lit with pole that are black-light sensitive & they have fun lighting & tons of mirrors! it's very cute & makes you feel like dancing :-D i can't wait to start working there!

peanut butter & butterscotch cookies :) yum!

2011-09-19T05:54:00.004-04:00

i made these friday night & we ate them all! i didn't even take a picture of them, lol! they were really yummy & taste like a butterfinger to me :)

recipe makes 48 cookies!

3/4 cups sugar

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup peanut butter (i used chunky)

1 TBSP vanilla

2 "eggs" *(i used the flax seed egg mixture)

3 cups flour

3/4 TSP baking soda

3/4 TSP salt

**3 cups butterscotch chips ** add these last!

preheat oven to 350 degrees. mix dry ingredients in one bowl, mix the wet ingredients in another, fold the dry ingredients into the wet (this mixture will be very dry). after your ingredients are combined well go ahead & mix in the butterscotch chips! make 48 cookies using a small ice cream scoop. you will have a lot of butterscotch chips left in the bottom of your bowl so you can roll the cookies in them before baking :) after rolling the cookies in the left over chips push them down with a fork to flatten them out a little.

bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 mins. let cool & enjoy!

* flax seed egg - 1 Tablespoon ground flax seed + 3 Tablespoons water = 1 egg for baking

September 17th 2011 ~ Audition today!

2011-09-17T14:33:00.003-04:00

i have an audition today & i'm trying something different than i have ever tried in my whole life! last time i had an audition i planed the routine out, made myself CRAZY with it & things went great, i got the job. this time i am totally going to freestyle the whole thing!!!!! i was working on a routine all week & everyday something happened to make me get distracted. yesterday i didn't have anything planed & i was nervous about it, thinking i needed to figure it out today before my audition. now i have decided to go with the freestyle & see what happens :) when i was in the shower i was trying to put a routine together in my head, & then i realized something, i do this almost everyday! why am i feeling nervous about something that comes as naturally to me as breathing or walking?!?! no need to be nervous :) just be me & only do the tricks i can nail 110% of the time & i'm gonna be fine! that doesn't mean they will like my style but i feel confidant that i will do a good job :D i have loaded my iPod with 10 songs that are in the allowed time limit & i am thinking about putting it on shuffle & just going with that too, lmao! IDK for sure about that part though.... thats kinda scary, lol! the songs i have chosen for my list include: breather - emarosa, sliver - nirvana, never tear us apart - INXS, Mother - Danzig, & few more. i had chosen a debbie gibson song that i LOVED when i was little, but it was too long so i can't do that one :( the songs have to be 2mins or more but i can't do 5mins of fast & tricky stuff without a plan, so i'm going with a shorter song :)

poling 4 days in a row?

2011-09-15T06:29:00.003-04:00

trying to work on a routine for an audition during all of my house craziness isn't working so well for me. i felt like shit monday & yesterday my nerves were so fucked up i felt like puking too so i didn't pole much... just attempted to! now i'm gonna try to hustle it up & get my shit together :) hoping that my new Alethea tee will help me be a little more awesome, lol! also today is the last day to submit a video for MGPDC! crap i have a lot of stuff i want to do this morning.... working sure does get in the way of my pole time.

9-13-11.... more to say

2011-09-13T18:38:00.002-04:00

as i sit here in my home, drinking my beer & enjoying some cool hummus & pretzels, i can't help but wonder whats gonna happen with my housing situation & i also wonder about the future of millions of americans who are in the same place in life. it's fucking horrible to feel like when you leave your house you need to take everything of any value with you & leave it with your kids at a safe place :( i am so happy that today went the way it did at court & i am still allowed to be here, in my home. i never imagined i would find myself displaced or "homeless". i've always had the kind of life that people dream of & now it's fading fast. i feel like everyday is a emotional roller coaster & it's just started. i can only imagine i will breakdown when they finally do evict me & i'm not looking forward to it one little bit! several years back, i went through a really bad time where i was in a deep depression. i couldn't eat, couldn't force myself out of bed, my mom had to come stay with me & even slept in my bed with me for weeks! i cried 24/7! the only thing that got me through that was my family & my pets are included in that! just think, all of that was over a boy! nothing compared to losing your home & shelter for your family :( everyday i feel like i am sinking lower & lower back into my depressed state & i hate that feeling. today is going good because i didn't get evicted, but i still feel like i can't breath when i think about everything that is going on. loss of control is something i don't handle well at all! losing my home & losing control of my emotions are both shitty, knowing there isn't a damn thing you can do about it makes it even worse. when i get depressed like that i'm not trying to hurt myself, i just can't get it together to make things keep going the way they should in life, like going to work, eating, playing with my babies. when i'm like that all i want to do is sleep & sleep until things are better. the problem is that sleeping doesn't make problems go away or get better unless you have someone to depend on financially & i don't have that right now. like i said today i feel OK, much better than i did yesterday. i was a so sad yesterday, i felt like i was going to puke all day at work! & i was pretty bad off this morning too! i didn't even get up & drink my coffee, i just got up & took a shower & went to court. after court today i was like "why am i so hungry" & i realized i didn't eat OR drink ANYTHING since breakfast yesterday morning, well i had an energy drink at work at like 11 am too. but that was it! when i am thinking clearly i eat a TON! i LOVE food! but when i'm depressed i can't even think about eating or drinking, everything makes me want to puke!

i know there are millions of people who are in worse situations than i am & i feel like a selfish bitch because this is such a huge deal to me. at my new job i am dealing with a lot of low income & sometimes even homeless people. it's so sad to see these people who can't do anything to get out of the bad place they are in. the homeless people can't get jobs because they have no way to be contacted, also most of the one i have seen at this job come in in dirty clothes & one guy friday had holes in the soles of his shoes :( that breaks my heart! & like i said it pisses me off at myself to see how i can't handle shit. having this new job makes me feel even more lucky than i ever have because i see how shitty some people have it & it's way worse than you can imagine! on one hand i feel super lucky to have lived the "blessed" lifestyle for so long, but on the other hand i feel like shit & feel like curling up in a ball & covering my head & hiding from the world forever! not to say i'm not thankful for everything i still have, but it's just hard to be me right now. i think a good comparison would be if someone took Paris Hilton & made her like in a section 8 apartment, & took her money too! very, very, very horrible feeling. it's not like i have it "that bad" but it's hard to get used to the idea of not being in control of where you CAN live, my credit is fucked to say the least so i won't be buying another home on my own anytime soon or have any chance of getting a new car (thank god i love mine) or even having a credit card for emergencies. i just can't get used to the idea of being "that" girl.

yeah i'm a bitch & i complain a ton! lol! you know you love it! ;)

September 13th 2011

2011-09-13T18:03:00.002-04:00

i had to go to court today about my house, the other people didn't show up & sent a dismissal letter instead so for today i'm in the clear :) i feel like 10,000,000,000 lbs have been lifter off my shoulders. i also found out that we won the bid on a house we had been hoping to get so it's been a crazy day! at least we have a place to go lol!

holy fucking shit!

2011-09-11T14:59:00.002-04:00

attempting to get shit~faced via coffee w/van gogh carmel vodka.... trying to find music for audition next weekend && looking for a house, should be writing a letter to court about my house stuff O_O it's too much!

holy fuck!

2011-09-08T08:05:00.002-04:00

haven't had time to breath lately, or blog :( lots of shit has hit the fan & i'm more terrified than ever before. going to court tuesday, being evicted :( been packing & moving everything everyday. still have no clue where i'm going to stay :( this is a horrible mess & i am so overwhelmed its insane! i have been keeping a vid blog for myself because its faster than typing && the raw emotion is really exposed that way, i hope someday i will be able to watch them & be thankful to be in a better place. i've been taking my kids to a safe place when i have to leave the house so if someone tries to come in & go ahead & move my shit on the lawn the babies won't be victims. it's a pain in the ass to do all of this shit everyday. i know things could get worse but damn this fucking sucks!

I hate being broke :(

2011-08-23T07:56:00.002-04:00

I needed to work my old job this week so i could have some money to make it between paychecks at my new job. that didn't happen :( now i have like $700 worth of bills due & only $100 to my name... this fucking sucks! i just can't wait until someday when things run smoothly again & i don't have to live penny to penny. dollar to dollar would be a blessing at this point O_o I am loving my new job! it's so great to work with people who are always nice & never yell or scream or tell you to go faster... things go at their own pace there & it's so nice! As bad as this sounds, working there for less than two weeks makes me see how lucky i have been, some of the people i deal with can't even read or write, don't know how to give information about themselves, it's so sad! i know there are people out there who don't try but i think a lot of these people are trying & just haven't been given a chance in life. it's horrible! even though i have had a rough year i feel so lucky to have been given the chance to get an education & to have had parents who cared if i passed tests in school & who helped me learn things i would need later in life. i wonder if these peoples parents just didn't care, if they we not educated themselves, or just were too busy to help their kids. no matter what it's horrible & i wish there was something i could to to help these grown people get a education so they could have a shot in life. it's so sad.

with all that being said, i just want to say that my two most recent jobs have changed me a lot! working at the shroom has made m realize i can bite my tongue & get along with just about anyone, no matter how shitty they treat me. this new job has made me see how great i have had it so far in life!

4:30am comes early!

2011-08-22T05:13:00.004-04:00

especially when your precious little puppy girl had an upset tummy all night & needed to be taken out nearly every hour on the hour O_o all i can say is thank God for coffee & a little will power! i am worried about leaving her today while i work for a little while since her belly is upset :( i hate it when they are sick!

lately, when i pole, my body has felt like a ton of bricks :( i think its because i've been so tire & trying to force myself to get up at 4:30am to make time for pole. if i feel like shit in a few when i pole this morning i MIGHT skip it a day later this week, i don't want to but if i'm too tired to do anything anyway it's pointless to get up to be sad. i don't know what i'm gonna do if i have to work at night too! i'm already so tired when i wake up & i've been going to bed early, like before 10pm. i need money now more than ever though so i guess i'll have no choice but to work if they let me. honestly, i wish the new job would just let me work there full-time or at least like 7-10 more hours a week :) that'd be great! i really love working there! everyone i work with is so nice & the manager isn't the yelling type so that's even better :D

ok... time to go try to pole :D

August 29th... 5am O_O

2011-08-19T05:04:00.002-04:00

good morning world! it's been a great week & i'm excited for the weekend :) gonna pole soon & enjoy my fun lighting, then it's time to go work at my bad~ass new job, then i will have the whole weekend off, with my family, like a real person :-D yay! since i have started my new job i haven't been reading as much, i think i read a chapter a few days ago. that kinda makes me sad :( i hope i can balance my life a little more so i have time for reading, i was really enjoying that. i can't even tell you how happy i am to have a new job where i don't have to deal with getting yelled at, bitched at, disrespected by a "leader" (which BTW is a joke~ass excuse for a leader in the 1st place), i'm allowed to actually have food or drink whenever i want to there too! && i get to dress up & have fun business clothes :D i love it! i've always enjoyed working in offices more than any place else, but after working at that restaurant for 6-7 months, it really makes me appreciate being around nice people & nice bosses even more. never in my whole life have i been so disrespected as i was working at a restaurant, the owner yelled at employees, the female FOH leader yelled at me, got so pissed about a dirty dining room that she wouldn't speak to me during a shift, took away all of my night shifts so i couldn't make money.... so glad that is over & in my past! i hope it stays there! i told them i would work wednesday & thursday nights if they want me to, because i could use the extra money... not that i WANT to go there to work though.

i want to find some pole competitions to enter soon, i'm ready to do some winning, lol! ;) IDK how that will work with my new job though, i'm sure they wouldn't want me to take any time off just yet... i'll have to see what i can find & see if i'm allowed to have an extra day off.

i have had a lazy week with pole so today i am gonna try to make the most of it. i have been getting into the superman easy lately & i am working towards superpain, my arm can't reach over my shoulder to grab my foot from that angle yet though :( i am getting better at the shouldermount now too! still very inconsistent, but i know i will have it soon :D tricks alway start like that for me, i will get them once or twice & them i can't do the trick for a month or to, then i'll suddenly be strong enough to do the new trick 20x in a row & on spinny, lol. my fucking rib is still hurting, it's been about a month O_o i think this is where "push past" comes into play, lol! here is a check list of things i am working on & want to be able to knock out like nobodies business...

• Superman (almost got it solid)

• Superpain

• Yogini (i can do this 50% of the time)

• Shoulder~mount

• Allegra (almost have this one)

• Ayesha

• Caterpillar

• Handspring

:-D

loss of control...

2011-08-16T07:52:00.001-04:00

i really despise NOT being in control of things, especially when it comes to things that have to do with my future & well being && poling!

Monday, August 15th 2011

2011-08-15T05:12:00.003-04:00

trying to find a good time to wake up is harder than it seems. last wednesday i got up at 4am & that was way too early, friday i got up at the normal "5:45am" & that was too late so today i'm trying 4:45am... this seems good so far. Bella gets up early with me :) she usually isn't a morning person... but if i'm gonna hold someone while i drink coffee it's gonna be Bella & she's gonna make sure of that, lol.

i had a great weekend! OMG it's been so long since i haven't had to work at least one day out of the weekend so it was wonderful! slept in until 9:30 & got to spend time with my little family. i also went shopping for work clothes since i have nothing "business casual" in my wardrobe... & because i love to shop :D i got 4 shirts for $24 at JCPenney! i still need some more pants for work, as of now i have 1 black pair, 1 dark grey pair, a light grey pair & some bad ass brown ones from when i worked at HiFi-Buys O_o they are vintage & badass! ;) now i need some tops to go with the badass brown pants. i have like 7-8 shirts now for work so i'm set for a few weeks :)

i'm hoping that i won't be super tired this week so i can try to pick up some shifts @ mellow, i need money really bad!

i also need to talk to the lovely people over at fannie mae since they are trying to fuck with me... blah.

August 11th 2011

2011-08-11T07:59:00.003-04:00

yesterday i got up @ 4am, poled & went to work at a new job. OMG it was great! i went the whole day without one fuss & without getting talked to like shit :D i get to go back there to work again today & i'm really excited! it's only part time so i still need to work at mellow... if they will let me... not that i enjoy being talked to like shit but i need money so i'll do it. also i'm not sure if they will go for it since i will only be able to work 2 nights a week & most of the time they don't even let me work 1 night!! & i'm about to start taking some classes online for ACE certification too!

My parents cat Colt died yesterday afternoon while they were on their way back in town :( he had a heart attack :( i am worried about Adunbi because Colt was his best friend, he is going to be lost! it's so sad!

Wednesday, August 10th 2011

2011-08-10T04:53:00.002-04:00

got up @ 4am this morning because i get to start a new job this morning & i still need to have time to pole. i'm surprised that i could get up at 4am && even more surprised that it doesn't feel any earlier that 6am does. i'm really excited about poling in the dark so i can really use my lights. i use them every time but i know they are gonna work so great this morning :) i can't wait!!!!

& of course i'm excited about starting a new job too! i am still gonna try to serve tables too so i can get some more money but IDK if that will fly at the shroom..... we will see.

my A/C is fixed now && its awesome!!! not having A/C when it's nearly 100 degrees outside sucks! it also makes me realize how lucky i am to have A/C in the first place.

August 9th 2011

2011-08-09T09:54:00.002-04:00

both of my air conditioners have been fucked up for a few days now :*( i have some people out here fixing them now though so it should be cooling off soon! it was 90 degrees is here last night! that sucked!

i got to go to dinner with my first BFF ever last night. we haven't seen each other in like 14 years so it was great to catch up & since she just moved back to the area we can hang out now! i'm really excited about that!

August 8th 2011.... good morning world! :)

2011-08-08T06:42:00.003-04:00

i have a lot to say & not a lot of time so here goes....

i've really been trying to figure out a way to get in a better place in life, financially, career wise & my future. i believe with all my heart & soul i have the power to change anything i my life for the better.... but, to do that i'm need some bigger balls! O_o ! i have to go over heads to settle things, even if it makes me the #1 enemy for a bit, i can't live this way so i see no other choice.

next i need like $500, i want to study at home for my ACE certification so i can have something backing me when i finally get to train && from the looks of things i have a little bit of time.

&& i need a REAL job! like one for grownups with real bills & real lives. no one with a bunch of drama because of children trying to be big shots & run the show. i have been applying everywhere & i hope i land some interviews very soon! i don't want to run my mouth but it's probably going to happen later today, there for, i may end up unemployed in the next couple of hours. i can't hold back any longer & i'm not sorry. not even a little bit! i see no other way around it.

on a positive note, i was looking into how much pole dance instructors make & it looks like $50-$70 an hour is about average $-D i'm not sure how many hours these ladies are getting a week but damn that is some badass income!!!! i want in! well, i want in because it's my passion but the money side makes it even sweeter! i need to find one of these studios who pay that well & move near them. the only way i'm going to make $70 an hour here is to open my own studio & SBA won't give me a loan so i'm screwed in that aspect for now... so i've gotta make a move. even if i only teach 10 classes a week that is $3000 a month! & coincidentally that is almost the exact about i need to survive :D. when numbers work out like that it gives me even more hope & even more confidence that i am on the right path. i mean come on! i need that much a month & somehow it just adds up to what i would earn in my chosen field... yeah, God totally has His hand in this!

in some ways i feel totally lost but when i sit back & think about everything & see how things add up it makes me feel so safe & like i am on the right path in life. even with my housing situation, craphole job & mean shift leader, i still can't help but feeling like this is all going to work out in my favor someday. maybe it's because i have never truly experienced hardship & i'm too blind to see how bad it could get... but maybe it's because i am right where i should be in my life. it's scary not knowing if i'm gonna have to relocate or if i'm going to have money to get stuff i need. i still feel like God is leading me down a path to success & sometimes you have to go through storms to get to the green grass & sliver linings.... right?!?! so with that in mind, i am going to barrel through life & make thing happen ;)

drinking my coffee, getting ready to pole. it's gonna be a great day! i can tell!

i hate this day.

2011-08-07T15:28:00.002-04:00

my air conditioner went out last night so i get to enjoy the GA summer in my 80+ degree house along with my 4 babies. its too damn hot :(

i have decided to put my pole certification on hold & i have mixed emotions about that. on one hand i feel like it is a great opportunity. on the other i know i don't have the money to do it & taking the time from my job is really making them hate me even more & give me even less shifts. i only got 2 this week & they are both days :(

if i could leave right now & just run away forever i would do it in a second! you can't run away when you have things to look after though & when you have no place to run away to :(

August 4th 2011

2011-08-04T15:34:00.003-04:00

hehe. i have a big mouth & like to run it with my fingers on a keyboard :D

anyway, i got a nice yellow note taped to my door today, needless to say i'm not a happy camper today :( i have to work later & needed to study today & apply for jobs to help me keep my house so there was no time to read at all. barely had time to study! this sucks! i hope & pray i can make some money tonight. yesterday i only made like $35 & the day before that they wouldn't let me work, the day before that one i only made $17! so like $52 for the week & it's thursday :( i'm gonna loose everything i have along with the rest of the americans :( it's sad because there is nothing i can do about it. i go to work & apply for jobs, going to school to train to teach pole & i'm not making anywhere near the money i need to have to survive. i'm bringing home like a 4th of what i need if that! blah! i'm so over this day it's not even funny!

August 3rd.... 2011 O_o

2011-08-03T06:18:00.003-04:00

yesterday i was surprised by a phone call from my job asking me to stay home for the day because we were so slow the day before. that means i found myself with about 9 hours of unexpected free time :D i had finished a book the night before so that worked out well for me to go book shopping, so i did! i kinda went blindly to B&N, i knew 1 book i was kinda interested in so i kinda used it as my "back up plan" incase i couldn't find anything cool. i ended up running across a book called “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" O_o & of course i had to get that one. i started reading it yesterday & it's great so far. i also picked up a "choose your own adventure novel" i had forgotten about those & i was excited to see that someone made them for adults! the one i got is called "Pretty Little Mistakes: A Do-Over Novel", i haven't read a single page of it yet, not even the back cover.

before i went book shopping i had a very long conversation with my mom. like 2.5 hours. this was the first one of those long phone call in many, many months {possibly years} & hopefully a re-start to something good again. she seems to be doing pretty good & that makes me happy :)

since i got my dads old iPhone to replace my broke ass one, i was in the market for an otterbox to protect this one since that POS "10 for $5 jelly case" didn't do shit to protect it, i don't want to risk breaking another one! especially since we all know i as so poor i can't even pay attention, i definitely can't pay for a new iPhone & i just got the last one from my parent's "old iPhone back up stash" so there will be no more freebees & i can honestly say i HATED having the little go phone! it was OK because it was better than no phone at all but that sucked! i couldn't even check my email on there! anyway, i happy to have my little 3G & i want to protect it so..... back to the point.... i found one on amazon for $15!!! yes! $15!!! they are normally $50 & otterbox.com still has the one i got listed for $50 :) i think i got a great deal! i went with the pink & black defender. its a huge & bulky case so that will take some getting used to but i think it will be the best thing for my budget! it's pretty cute though :D

it's 6:45am & i am getting ready to pole. about to go pour my last cup of coffee for the day & get the shit started. i have a few ideas i want to try & i want to use my color bars this morning so i need to hustle. & OMG my rib / side STILL hurts! it has been about a week since i hurt it (still don't know how i did that) it's still so sore :(

i want a chair in my kitchen

2011-08-02T10:29:00.004-04:00

i have a nice sized "eat in kitchen". i have a kitchen table, a dresser & a shelf in there already but i have always felt like something was missing & i have always wanted a chair in there. now that i have taken up reading i can really see where that would be a nice spot to read my books & enjoy some natural lighting :) the windows in my kitchen over look my back yard & the area where i have placed all of the bird feeders & baths so that would be nice to have a spot to sit comfortably & watch birds too! a few mins ago i went upstairs & dug out a butterfly chair from back in the day to see how it looked in the kitchen size wise, & it fit in fine :) i'm not even about to use that thing as a part of my permanent decor though! so now i am really itching to find a chair... not good since i am "poor". when i was little we had a blue chair that would have been perfect for this space! not only size wise but also because it was ~~ratty & old~~ loved & since i have animals any furniture (chairs, couches, love seats) will be "loved" very soon after coming to my house anyway. i had that chair in my room when i was a tween & i loved sitting there & writing in my diary, lol! i loved that chair! & right now i'm really wishing my parents hadn't given it away.

i want to put the chair kinda over where that trashcan is... sorry trash can your gonna have to

move :/ there is a lot of space there. IDK what color or pattern i would use. lots to think about.

i love this little leaf chair! it's so cute! :-D it wouldn't work though because it is a beanbag chair :(

i think something like this one would be a perfect fit. it's smaller & it had colors that would match my kitchen & tie in some colors from my living room. its $400 so i won't be getting it, sure is pretty to look at though!

tuesday, august 2nd 2011

2011-08-02T09:39:00.002-04:00

i slept in today until 7:30 & then a 9:30 i got a call from work saying i can have the day off since we were so slow yesterday (i made$17!) i don't mind having an extra day off but i do need money so it kinda sucks.

i got another iPhone last night, thank god! i was so lost with out one. i want to go see if i can find a otterbox for it on sale or something. i found one on amazon for $15 + $5 shipping so if i can't find one for less than $20 i'll just order it.

i have been trying to remember these names for the holds that VJs uses, they don't use the same terminology as i have been so i am sooooo confused! i know the moves & how to do them, even how to explain them! but since i have to use their terminology it's fucking me up, lol! i know i'll get it though!

i really wish my parents lived here still because i would love to see them today. i want to go hangout with someone (dad & mom would be nice) today since i had planed on working all day & now i have found myself with 9 free hours, that NEVER happens!

i finished "The Truth About Diamonds" last night so i might go look for a book today. i have a few i am interested in but i'm not sure i'll be able to find them in a store since the are not new releases. i also have a TON of studying to do because like i said earlier, the terminology is confusing me. i think if i write a page of each move, over & over again ~~my hand will be tired~~ i will burn it into my brain :) OMG i would love to go to sephora today too but since i'm broke & missing a day of work && paying to get certified, i probably shouldn't... but i might anyway... maybe!

August 1st 2011

2011-08-01T06:38:00.003-04:00

my first day of training went really good! there are 5 people in my class & everyone is really nice. we go by our pole names there so i'm glad i made myself a badass one when i started this 2 years ago! so, i'm Scandalicious :-D ha! yup! kinda funny because i after i actually started poling i didn't feel like i moved "scandalicious-ly" at all really & to be honest i don't care to. i don't wanna be a whorey dancer, i mean, really! do i need to add anything else seductive to pole? it's kinda seductive on it's own, even if you don't want it to be. since we are the "next generation" of instructors we get to do a photo shoot soon & i'm excited about that! we all know how much i LOVE pics :) i can't wait to see my audition video either!

(& OMG i realized that i was told that i had got the job exactly 2 years to the day from setting up my pole, i thought that was cool.)

sunday, july 31st 2011

2011-07-31T14:26:00.002-04:00

i'm getting ready to go to my first class to be an instructor & i'm really excited! i talked to them friday after my post & i am happy to know about how the financial side of things work :) i just finished packing my bag, got my day planner in there too, now it's time for coffee, lol!

i had to work patio last night & it ended up being great! several people i know came in & sat out there. i also got out a little early so that was real nice! OMG & i even have a good schedule this week! tomorrow night i get to go meet up with my first best friend ever to have dinner. she just moved back to the area we grew up in & i couldn't be more excited to see her :-D

hoping today is the first step in the right direction for me to better my life & financial situation on my own... my fingers are crossed!

:(

2011-07-30T15:56:00.000-04:00

i have to work the patio tonight, in the rain :( sad because i need money && i bet i'll get sent home early :( boo!!!!

random thought....

2011-07-29T08:39:00.003-04:00

i want a "dog tag style" necklace that says "don't ever let 'em take you down" OR "don't stop believing" ... maybe one with both sayings on opposite sides OR 2 different necklaces... IDK. just thought about it. lol! alethea has one that says "push past" she also has her knuckles tattooed with that! i like that saying too but i don't want to rip her off O_o

July 29th 2011

2011-07-29T07:41:00.003-04:00

i slept in kinda late this morning, it's 7:40am :) now i'm up, drinking my coffee & then gonna go stretch & pole for a bit. Alizé's birthday was wednesday, she got something called a "Whirly Gig" (among other things) for her birthday & she hasn't stopped playing with it! i think that was the best $4 i've ever spent! lol!

i am suposed to start training for my new job on sunday :) i'm still unsure about a few important things to do with it though, like how much i'm gonna make & if there are men training with me :( both things are important for me to know. i'm starting to feel like i'm being too pushy with them asking all these questions, but i feel like i need to know this stuff before i get there. i mean, what if they are gonna pay me based on how many customers i bring in? that's OK but i need to know now so i can market myself & my class. OR what if it's based on something else that IDK about yet? i need to know so i can make some $! IDK how a dance company pays their employees, i'm just taking guesses at this point. i was taken back a few days ago when i noticed someone going to a strip club to participate in amateur night to win money to "pay rent" so i'm thinking this is gonna pay like shit! the person who was taking part in the contest is an amazing dancer! so if she isn't making the money she needs i seriously doubt that i will :( that sucks since i have been planing on doing that & i already ran my mouth & told a lot of people, asked off of work for the next several weekends & had my sunday shift picked up. i made a whopping $49 so far this week so i didn't need to give anything up unless i'm gonna have a chance to make some big bucks in the future! guess i'll find out soon enough... i have to sometime between now & sunday, lol!

*** i just need to stop & say how thankful i am to have a Gardner/Lawn care guy to take care of my stuff outside! i hear them out there mowing the lawn now :) ***

i've been reading a lot lately :) it was one of my birthday resolutions this year & i'm proud to say i have been sticking to most of them... all except for the posture & the decorating. well,m i have done some decorating but i'm not sure how long i'm gonna be living at this house so i kinda put a hold on that for now... hoping to pick it back up soon though! i need to make notes about posture around my house so i think about it! i have only been drinking water & having coffee in the mornings before i pole or go to work. i have lost a TON of weight since i stopped drinking sodas & replaced it with plain water! i used to be a solid size 6 & now i am in a 2 & that is loose! not loose enough to wear a zero though, lol! i was happy with my size 6 self but loosing weight on accident isn't a bad thing either, i never have dieted & (hopefully) never will, so i'm sure i will get back to my normal size soon. it's funny for now though because all of my clothes are too big, even my bras O_o thank god it's summer time because i do have some tiny shorts that fit me great right now :) they were from that time i got all depressed & wouldn't eat in '06. OMG speaking of eating... there is a new flavor of clif bar that is so yummy! coconut chocolate chip! i'm eating one now :)

i need to stop typing & go pole... i'm assuming my next post will be about my first day of training. so, be back to blog soon :)

July 27th 2011 ~ Alizé's 10th birthday

2011-07-27T06:39:00.002-04:00

drinking my coffee while listening to my Ali cat play, it's only 6:30am! lol! i have to pole soon because i have to work today & after that we can celebrate Alizé's birthday :) i wanted to post this pic because i just found it. its so old! we both look so young... damn!

July 26th 2011

2011-07-26T08:00:00.002-04:00

tomorrow is my first born baby girls birthday, Alizé Elizabeth will be 10! i say it every year but i can't believe how fast time goes by! i swear it feels like yesterday that i was riding around Barrett Parkway in my little convertible, with my bleach blonde hair whippin' in the wind, working at HiFiBuys & having a sense of freedom i would never know again. i didn't know it on this day ten years ago, but one of my very best friends was about to be born & very soon i would have a life long kitty companion by my side :-D it amazes me how a decade flies by!

july 25th... early morning blogging :)

2011-07-25T06:54:00.002-04:00

i got an email over the weekend saying "congratulations! you have been selected to move forward & train to be an instructor"! i was really super excited but it seems i was the only one :( i found out about it after i got off work saturday night, it was nearly 2am & i was beaming with a huge smile on my face & no one to share my happiness with. that seems to be the case a lot of the time lately, no body to share my happiness with & no one to whine to when things are shitty. anyway, i think this is a great opportunity for me and anyone else who was selected to move forward & i am really excited to continue my pole journey in the company of some of the greatest polers of the south! :)

early friday morning blogging

2011-07-22T06:18:00.003-04:00

have i already said how much i enjoy getting up & getting my day started before sunrise? because i do love having a lot more time in my day :) so glad i figured this out after only 28 years of sleeping until noon, lol! there is something special about the early morning, the birds are so excited when the sun starts to rise & the sing such pretty songs, not the same songs as you hear from them throughout the day, these are special "it's gonna be a good day" songs :) and the chipmunks are more relaxed too so you can watch them for longer too. since i live in the south i also love starting my day before the temps get up to 100! it makes poling so much easier when it's not blazing hot.

oh speaking of pole, i went to my audition on wednesday, it was my first time auditioning for anything ever so i was really excited about it. the studio i had my audition at was wonderful! they had such a great setup going on, they had a boutique, stage, a big pole room with several different poles in all kinds of materials :) stainless, brass, powder coated... i did my audition on the brass since i needed to hold extra tight with my newly acquired jade split. the ladies at the studio were so sweet & seemed like they would be a ton of fun to work with! i hope they call me back :D the pole dancing community is so tight & supportive that i don't believe anyone would ever say anything unkind to anyone about their style, moves, ect.. it is definitely something you want to be a part of! i also believe it is gonna blow up soon && i'm so happy to be as advanced as i already am when it does... that kinda makes me a pioneer you know?!? & that is pretty freakin' exciting!

(eating a blueberry crisp cliff bar & i'm not diggin' it so much this morning, coffee is yum though)

i only have 2 chapters left in Priceless & i am so glad i read it! it is a wonderful book, very easy to get drawn into. i hope Nicole Richie writes more books, she is great at it! i bought Pride & Prejudice the other day but i can't get into that style of writing :( when i was in school i wasn't made to read the classics at all, i just had to pick books that i was interested in. it was cool back then but now i wish i had read them so i am going to TRY to work them in to my reading schedule too!

i had TT yesterday for the first time, i enjoyed going & i'm glad i qualified to get it for free since i couldn't afford it otherwise. i feel like that is going to help me so much in my daily life, i hope i am right! i feel like i need a safe place to go & talk about things that nobody really cares to listen to, often times i am like a broken record but i seem to have to same ole BS go on all the time & it's stuff that is beyond my control for the most part :(

OMG & IDK if i said this or not but the last time i worked i got written up when i first walked in! there was a medical emergency in my BF family & i received a call after i was in the parking lot of my job so i took the call & it took a few mins longer than i expected (obviously since it was an emergency) i got into work 5 mins late (keep in mind i was in the parking lot & had been for a good 10 mins & we have cameras so you could see i was there) i was written up on the spot, even though my BF's father had just had a heart attack & was being rushed into emergency surgery. i seriously almost went off! but i didn't! it just set my day up to be horrible & for me to be in a fowl mood & feel so disrespected. not to be all blasé about it, i understand rules and all that shit, but when something like that happens & you still get in trouble it's honestly just a tad bit ridiculous. if i was any kind of girlfriend i would have said "fuck this place" & gone with my man during that difficult time. i can't imagine if something like that happened to my daddy! i would be a basket case! they really like to mess with your mood & mind there, it's border line abusive sometime. all the yelling when we can't read minds is insane. i'm so thankful to have a job but i can't wait to get something without meanies for bosses.

well damn! i guess i need to get to poling, it's nearly 7am!

wednesday, 7.20.11

2011-07-20T06:46:00.002-04:00

up early again, getting ready to pole & work on a routine for an audition later on today :) i'm excited about it but not nearly as nervous as i would expect to be, in fact, i'm not nervous at all :-D just filled with excitement & shocked that anyone would want me to audition, lol! i know i'm pretty good at pole but it still amazes me when other people think so.

i despise my job & 2 people there, it's starting to take a toll on me & i don't like being broken down like that, it's not fair for people to try to bully you at work! we are all adults so talking things out & asking people to help when there are things to be done would be the way to go, not getting all pissy & yelling or getting so mad you can't even respond! usually there is a reason people are put in leadership rolls but in this case i can't see why at all! well, except for the fact that people who fuck a manager are getting ahead... & thats not cause for a title change or promotion! & actually i'm pretty sure that would be a reason not to have a promotion since people would accuse the company of letting people get ahead for giving head.... hum. makes you think doesn't it?!?!

anyways, back to the important topic here... me & my life :)

last week i bought Priceless by Nicole Richie & i have flown through the book! i love it & i can't put it down! i am nearly done with it so i ordered her first book "The Truth About Diamonds" last night, hope it is as wonderful as Priceless is! i was kinda skeptical about Nicole Richie as an author but she did a great job! not that i have read a ton of books or anything, lol! but i have enjoyed reading what she has written :) i hope she writes another book soon :)

well, it's 7am so it's pole time :) yay!

4th of July weekend

2011-07-05T10:23:00.002-04:00

i have been itching to get away lately & having a long weekend was the perfect excuse to leave town... so we went to Tybee Island :) we made it a quick trip but neither one of us felt like we were cut for time. i'm pretty sure our dogs didn't like it too much though since they stayed home while we went & had a little adventure. we are only about 4 hours away from Tybee so we were able to make it a day trip which i love since that means i didn't have to bother anyone to watch my pups & i can make it home to sleep in my own bed :) i love my bed :) but i sure do miss the coast! i never remember how much i miss it until i go visit & have to go home again.

July 1st 2011

2011-07-01T06:18:00.003-04:00

the early morning has become one of my favorite times of the day... especially when there is pole involved :) it's 6:20am i'm drinkin' my coffee & watching wednesdays pole videos. all i have to say is DAMN! i was being pretty hardcore with the spinny, lol! i tried to get into the Jedda but it's didn't happen... seems pretty far away too :/

today is my last day at work before my 3 day weekend :) i wanna go get a cabin or something like that but IDK whats really gonna happen. i've had to deal with way too much stress lately & i need a vacation, even if it's only a "airplane mode" vacation ;) in about 12 hours i will be vacationing no matter where i am :-D

Abandonment

2011-06-29T06:44:00.003-04:00

once again we have been abandoned & totally blindsided. this time we found out from letters O_o i want everyone to be happy but it still sucks. i also get stuck having extra responsibilities :( i had wanted to go out of town for the holiday but i can't now even if i wanted to because i have to take care of things. this fucking sucks! i don't mind taking care of stuff but it would be nice to be asked & asked in advance. i took the weekend off work so i could have fun & have some much needed relaxation, out of town! so now i have the weekend off & can't leave! this fucking sucks so much! & it's getting even worse because now i have had some people act like since it's "bred in to me" i'm gonna dip out or do something "bad" too! i'm strongly considering just doing what i had planed to do anyways. in the 10 years that i have been a "momma" i have never left any of them for more than a few hours. when i was younger & still living with my parents i did sometimes spend the night out & leave the girls home & ask my mom to check on them. but that was in their house so i'm sure it wasn't a big deal since all they had to do was walk up stairs & pop their head in the room. 99% of the time i took Bella with me since she was the "pain in the ass" not really a pain but you have to take dogs outside so that is something i wouldn't want to expect someone to do a lot. oh & i went on vacation in 2003 & left the girls with my mom but she knew about it months in advance & i'm sorry but 2 cats are really easy to care for, even for a week. especially when they are living in the same house with you already.

prior to this most recent abandonment, i have been stressed out & feeling very overwhelmed with things in my life & this is just adding even more stress to my life... we all know i do not handle stress very well :(

6.27.11

2011-06-27T06:43:00.003-04:00

i got up at 6 am & about the time i got my coffee pot started i heard Bella jump off the bed O_o i guess she is becoming a morning person too! i have grown to love getting up before the sun & poling real early :) it's a great way to start my day! i'm still brain storming, trying to figure out how to make some real money. i've only worked 1 night a week for the past 2 weeks & i on;y got one again this week but this time it's a monday night so that could be real bad for my wallet. blah!

yesterday i got some good pics of the little blue bird who has been visiting my feeder, i figured out he is a blue grosbeak :)

i have seen a baby woodpecker out there recently too :) trying to get a picture ;)

Pole stuff 6.24.2011

2011-06-24T09:50:00.003-04:00

I have a few new tricks i would like to learn....

BRASS MONKEY!

Super Pain (Jedda)

TG lift so i can get into a Iron X sometime soon ;)

I need to hold my Allegra for more than 2 seconds

I want to get my Jade super flat && prettier

Cupid on spinny

Yogini on spinny

Also want to work on combos (3 tricks or more).... on spinny would be nice!

morning rant 6.23.11

2011-06-23T08:34:00.002-04:00

how come when you say pole dancer OR pole dance instructor, people automatically assume you are a stripper OR you want to teach others to "strip dance"? i know it's lack of knowledge but it still pisses me off! it's kinda hurtful too. i feel like a accomplish so much with pole & it has not been easy to learn the tricks & gain the flexibility that i have now, in-fact, lots of times i have had huge bruises all over my body, dislocated body parts & pole burn beyond belief! so for somebody to say "stripper" at me is like kicking me in the nuts! i'm sure there are a few strippers who can do pole tricks but the majority of them just dance AROUND the poles & that is not in any why pole dancing! people need to educate themselves before they speak about a subject they know nothing about!

great! my whole freakin' day went to shit in an instant!

2011-06-22T16:25:00.002-04:00

well, well, well.... i had my meeting & it went the way i though it would, not the way i hoped it would :/ so things are not looking up one little bit! i thought my situation was kinda hopeless but i wasn't feeling hopeless until now. now i really have no clue what to do, where to turn or what to expect from my future. yes, things could be much worse but things are still bad enough to make me worry & now freedom is no where to be found. i'm pretty sure i will be ending my pole journey soon, not on my own, but against my will, which makes everything so much worse for me because pole is my passion & it is how i relieve stress... blah! this whole freakin' day went to shit in an instant!

writers block o_O

2011-06-22T07:20:00.002-04:00

trying to write this outline & it's so much harder than i anticipated! i am not a writer, well, not a serious one anyway. i love the rant & rave & run my mouth (through my keyboard) but when it comes to being serious & being taking seriously, i fell like i'm falling a little short... maybe it's because it's 6:30am... yeah, thats it! i have to meet the guy from SBA in a few hours & i'm not very well prepared... also have to pole really soon too! i feel like it doesn't matter how early i get up, i never have enough time to do everything i need to do. IDK what the fuck would happen if i actually had a social life... i guess it's a good thing i don't have one of those! lol! training for 3-4 hours a day, taking care of my babies, cleaning my home & working at my little part time job is about all i can take. i miss freedom! IF i can do what i wanna do my training time & work time would merge, at least part of it, so i think i would actually have more free time & if not than at the very lease it would be my schedule.

Oh, the Alethea stretching DVD's came out this morning...just bought mine :) can't wait!

OK, back to work!

Waiting (6~21~11)

2011-06-21T08:24:00.002-04:00

yesterday i called around & scheduled a meeting with a guy about a SBAL, gonna go meet him today if i get out of hell early enough... probably gonna have to meet him tomorrow though :/ i really need to know the result of this meeting like yesterday... i just have to wait though.

Yesterday i had an awesome day! i poled early in the morning, went to the grocery store, came home & had lunch, talked on the phone, poled again & after i took a shower & washed my hair the pups & i went out in the backyard, laid a blanket out & watched the sunset while reading :) it was wonderful! i wish i had more time for days like that!

too bad i don't feel like i got enough sleep last night. i have to go to work today so i'm had to get up early. now i'm making pancakes & coffee :-D

i feel really unprepared for my meeting :( i know i need to have my shit in order but i'm not sure what all i need.

at risk of sounding like an ungrateful bastard, i would like to say, i really hate working for someone else! i am so thankful for the job i have but i just want to do my own thing, something i am passionate about... like pole :) it's so hard to be motivated at work when people are rude, yell & loose their temper. i hope & pray with all of my heart & soul that i am never a boss that people hate, dislike or would rather not be around. when i get my company running, & have employees, i want them to feel like they can be comfortable around me, not feel like they are gonna be in trouble over nothing. i also want to be the kind of boss who will jump in & help my employees, not yell at them because things are not getting done fast enough! i hate being made to feel like i am a worthless piece of shit over some dirty dishes & shit like that. there is a reason for the saying "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar";) well, i'm gonna enjoy my coffee & pancakes. hoping for a miracle soon!

& yeah this is really shittily written, very random, multi tasking will fuck your ass up ;)

i think the brain storming is paying off...

2011-06-20T08:52:00.004-04:00

i've been trying my best to come up with a way to make money & i think i figured it out :D i have my "business plan" written & in a few hours i'm going to try to put it in action! of course, there is no guarantee that this will work, but it's worth a try. IF it does work, it would put me in a much better place in life. i would have control again (i LOVE control), i would have a real salary again (so i wouldn't have to wonder if i could make my house payment), i could continue my education in a field that would actually benefit me & MY company(& it would be fun), i would have time with my family (parents, BF & babies) & last but not least, i would have all the time i ever wanted to pole (maybe i could go pro sometime, lol!). :D not having to worry about where my money is coming from would be awesome! & poling for work would be the best thing EVER too! OMG & i would have a shoe allowance! i'm really excited to see what the day has in store for me... pretty nervous too! this is my one shot to make my life what i need & want it to be again. also my one shot to be in control again... well, my one shot in the foreseeable future o_O i'm gonna do everything i have to do first (like before i call about a loan) so if i can't do it i won't fuck up my day from being all sad & shit :) i maybe dragging my stress out over the next several years but i really think it's worth a shot. even if i fail, i won't know until i try & honestly it can't get much worse when it comes to my finances than it is now... i made about $800 last month O_o & if that won't cause me to loose my home & everything in it IDK what will. oh & at least if i do what i wanna do i would have a place to store my shit if my finances go awry.

now to bitch, lol! :

for the past week, one of us has had an upset tummy every day! the last monday - wednesday it was Bella, then Osker wasn't feeling so hot. now it's my turn! geez! i wasn't feeling as bad for them as i do now that i have the same issue... poor kids! this sucks! not enough to slow me down though ;)

oh & some happy again:

i started taking zinc & i think it is helping my face clear up :) i've only been taking it a few days & i swear its making a difference already!

we have a chipmunk who has decided my bird feeder is the spot to be in the early morning :) i'm pretty excited about that... he/she is adorable!

even with all the crazy shit going on with my life, i know i'm really lucky! i have awesome parents, a great boyfriend && the best fur~kids in the world, & in the end that really is all that matters! i don't wanna fuck that up by working my ass off, watching all of our lives pass us by & regretting time lost when i look back at my life. making my life MINE is the most important thing to me because of the freedom it will bring, financially & otherwise ;)

WTF! freedom where are you?!?!

2011-06-15T10:41:00.004-04:00

why the fuck can't things just be easy? i have 6 weeks to get my shit together & i have been searching & searching for a way to help myself be financially independent but there are no programs out there to help WHITE women! if you are a minority you can get government grants all day long, especially if you are a woman in a minority trying to start a buisness! not for me though :( it's like the government wants you to lie & say your from another country :( the only way i can make my life work the way i need it to is to own a business so i can pay myself & control the income 100%. i don't want a loan though because that is even more risky... i already fall short when it comes time to pay bills, i don't need to add anymore.... until i get back at the money table :) i may just have to get a loan (as bad as i don't want to) just to see what happens... it's not like i will loose anything extra if i fail. i am determined to get to a place where i can do me :) i can't live like this much longer, i will work my ass off if it means i can get what i want & live the way i say, when i say. the most important thing in MY life is freedom to do what i want 24/7. that means spending time with my family, poling as much as i want, being healthy, being able to have a home & food on the table for all of my family... oh & health insurance! other than that i don't really give a fuck. i LOVE to shop but thats not the most important thing right now, freedom is! :)

6~10~11 early friday morning

2011-06-10T06:33:00.002-04:00

6:34 am... i'm up, drinking coffee trying to get myself awake enough to pole for a little bit before work. i have been trying to pole everyday this week, i haven't tried that since last fall & so far so good. i really need to try to get my shit together & get some extra money coming in & hopefully my pole "skills" will help me do that :) but OMG right now i'm so tired because i didn't get out of work until 11 last night & i have to be back this morning. the International Pole Convention is this weekend & i'm not going :( having to actually work for your money is lame :/ i miss just being able to do whatever i say & dip out to wherever whenever i want... i'm hoping those days are in my near future again. used to i would go shopping everyday, only carry the newest bags & wear the newest/coolest shoes, have the latest tech stuff, dine out for nearly every meal almost everyday, drive expensive cars & all the other cool shit people at the money table get to do... not now! now i'm poor :( stupid ass economy! i never in a million years would have imagined i would actually have to work. i mean, working for fun is one thing but actually having to BLOWS! in some ways i'm glad i get to see this side of things because it makes me see how great i had it for so long, but i'm ready to live that life again! having to live on a restricted budget has changed me for the better for sure though! no more coach bags, no more endless shopping, no more getting my hair & nails 'did' & i don't miss those things all that much, it's the security that i miss. i never knew how it felt to be on a budget or how to "wait to get something i want that just came out today & i just have to have". it's lame but a good lesson. so with all that bitching about money anyone can see why i want to be back where i was before, it's my goal t get back to a carefree lifestyle... or at least be able to run my own life again & make my own schedule :)

my baby boy Bane will be 6 on sunday! thats crazy! my baby will be 6! Alizé will be 10 next month so that is even more crazy to me! even more reason to get my shit together & be around more.

OK, got to go get to poling... it's 7am! byebye :)

naysayers can blow me!

2011-06-08T08:24:00.003-04:00

something happened a few days ago that had gotten under my skin & just wont come out on its own :( so now i must rant :)

for some reason certain people think my business is theirs to judge & my life is theirs to "boss around" & i don't agree with that at all! what i do in my PERSONAL TIME is MY BUSINESS! if you see my FB activity good for you but you can't tell me what i can & can not do! i don't give a fuck who you are, unless you are Jesus Christ, don't you DARE tell me how to live my life! because of the annoying start of my week i have since made tons of stuff private online, its a shame that i have to do that. however this is still public so if you are reading this & you feel like it might be directed towards you, you are probably right ;) my personal business is MINE! i don't do anything illegal or to harm other living beings, i am where i should be when i should be there, i go above & beyond in everything i do, so leave me alone & get the fuck off my ass!

6~6~11 had a great weekend!

2011-06-06T11:32:00.003-04:00

over the weekend i went to a workshop with my pole idol, Alethea Austin! it was awesome!!! i took all the workshops that were offered :D i learned a lot & she was such a sweet girl! she took time with everyone, helping with our problem tricks, took lots of pics with everyone, even preformed for us! i met some local polers too so i'm excited to have made some new friends that pole... maybe i'll get to pole with people more often now :) this weekend was the first time i had ever gotten to pole with other people, i was real nervous when i was on my way there but it was awesome once i got there! i wasn't nervous at all! i realized i am a better dancer/poler than i thought i was :-D not that i can hang with Alethea or anything, i just didn't know i was even as good as i am! lol! & i'm much more flexy than i realized too!!! :-D hehe! yay!! i am more sore today than i have been in a long time from pole. i'm really excited about that too!

5~27~11 totally random

2011-05-27T06:12:00.004-04:00

well, the world didn't end saturday :D yay! lol! i'm up early again this friday morning, it's 6:12 & i already fucking ruined a pot of coffee :( the pot wasn't pushed in enough so it went all over the counter... it was almost the end of the bag too! i got the first two books in the Gossip Girl series/novel, i'm glad i got it because i really have enjoyed it so far. i also got some material to try to sew some pole tops for myself & maybe i can use some to make knock off's of my favorite pole shorts too! i had to work last night & the power went off so i didn't make shit for $$, i think i made $20 :( it's lame! but at least i got out of work early :) i have to work all weekend long & it's memorial day weekend :( i have had to work valentines day, easter & mothers day so far this year... it's pretty lame. hopefully people will want to go eat some pizza & give me some nice tips :) my poor little jeeps window was stuck down & i took her to the dealership to have it fixed, they redesigned the part but refused to fix it for free!?!?! that really pissed me off! if you redesign a faulty part & have to replace all kinds of shit because of it i don't think thats my fault so i think they need to fix it for free! duh! i love my jeep but i'm really pissed with the company & after this i won't be buying one again :( the more & more i go through life i see that most people are really pieces of shit & so are the companies they run! i don't want to be "that" kind of person. i hope people see me as a hard worker (when i DO work) & as a nice person! it's such a shame for people to be so shitty to each other. i get to go to the Alethea Austin workshop next weekend :) i'm super excited!!! going to the chiropractor thursday before i go to the workshop so i can be all popped in place, yay! i'm still looking for some boat shoes & i have found a few i really like (well, like enough, boat shoes are fugly) but they are like $70! i'm not really interested in spending a days pay on work shoes so i'm still looking. i'm kinda lovin' getting up early O_o i never thought i'd say that! it's nice when i don't have to because it gives me a ton more time in my day! i pole for 3 hours so when i start early i get done by like 10am! it's really great!

day before "the END" O_o

2011-05-20T07:18:00.004-04:00

lots of people are saying the rapture is gonna happen tomorrow (5~21~11) so i'm up early to enjoy my day... just incase ;) lol!

drinking coffee already, it's 7am, gonna pole early today so i can play for a long time!

i think i figured out what book(s) i want to read to get back into reading (OK thats a lie, i've never been "into"reading. i'd like to be though) i want to read the gossip girl books :) i love the show so it'd be a good fit for me... i am 14 ya know, lol! after pole i'm gonna go get the first one & get started. i'm hoping the weather will be nice & not too hot so the pups & i can sit outside & enjoy the day, especially since it's possibly our last o_O

still haven't found a house to move to, although, things are looking better for staying @ my little POP house :) i wanna stay here forever! my Jeepers window is jacked up :( needs a new motor so it's taped up all ghetto for the moment, being poor really fuckin' sucks! blah!

i'm thinking about starting a Etsy store to make some extra $$... i need to get some yarn today when i go out to get my book! i would love to sell baby blankets! they are a nice size project for me because i (usually) don't get tired of a project in the time i can make one, so they will actually get finished, instead of stashed in the UFO basket.

May 6th, 2011

2011-05-06T06:22:00.003-04:00

well, lets see... it's been a month since my 28th birthday & i can't believe how fast time goes, it feels like it was yesterday! i have been doing good about drinking more water, sticking to stretching & making some of those new moves my bitches, lol!

we have been looking at houses since all the stuff going on with mine is screwy & i'm not too happy about it :( the good thing is i have a chance to get a taller pole... or 2 :) i love my house though, so its sad. i'm gonna miss hearing my train, decorating MY house, my pole room, & being 2 seconds from everything! i'm not really diggin' this whole "jen has to work" thing either :( this is all very lame & i am hoping to wake up from this nightmare anytime now. i am not a worker bee! thanks! now, if i had a job doing something with pole, then i'd be a worker bee :)

gotta go pole, it's 6:30am :)

bangs pics & philosophy

2011-01-17T00:26:00.007-05:00

a few weeks ago a cut myself some bangs & i have been trying to decide if i want to make them shorter or not. i have decided that i like them the way they are. they are long enough to pull back if i need to but shorter than the rest of my hair :) i like 'em a lot!

about 6 weeks ago i started using miracle worker by philosophy. i am only 27 but i wanted to go ahead & be proactive about this whole aging stuff so i did a little research on sephora & the miracle worker has wonderful reviews from women of all ages! i was $110 for a 2 month supply (not including eye cream) i have to say it is well worth the money! i have always had large pores on my cheeks & in the last few years i have noticed little lines on my forehead have started to appear :( since i started using the miracle worker kit i have noticed my pores are much smaller & those little lines are fading a bit too! this is what they claim on the package: "Research results: Based on a 12-week, daily-use consumer study, 90% of women said they liked and would continue to use the routine. Clinically proven to visibly improve the signs of aging, including lines, elasticity, discoloration, pore size, sagginess, clarity, rough texture, and dullness." i am very happy with this & already see dramatic results! i will continue to use this forever! lol! & OMG the lotion & serum feel like silk! i have never felt a cream that feel anything like this, it is amazing! i have very sensitive skin this hasn't bothered me at all. i did try their sun screen & it broke my face out so i sent it back :( & i break out very easily so i have continued to use my epiduo on my "problem areas". i also got one of the philosophy lip glosses in peppermint bark & it has become my favorite lipgloss EVER! i am a lipgloss ho! lol! i seriously have like 50+ & i have been diggin' lipglosses for about 15 years now. i have never found one that i like this much. i never finish a tube of lipgloss & i usually don't even use enough of them to tell any is even gone from the tube :( i have had this one for about a month & i have used 3/4 of the tube! that tells you how much i love this gloss! i am addicted! they come out with scents/flavors to go along with the seasons & i love that!!! i need to go to sephora soon to pick up the "sweet on you" gloss, it is candy hearts flavored :) candy hearts are something i look forward too each valentines season so i am super excited to see a gloss in that flavor!

***ETA IDK WTF keeps happening to my text color & size :-( i have tried to fix it 3x now :-( fuckin' sucks!

rearranged

2011-01-13T00:38:00.006-05:00

over the weekend i rearranged my living room. Gary even put the TV up off the floor for me :-) it only took 5.5 years to get someone to help me lift it but it's finally up there! yay!!! now i need some decorations! i have a very good idea of what i want but no idea where to get it & no money to get it with :-( so now it's time to get creative ;-) i went through my storage closet & found some decorations i had packed up that don't really match but with some spray paint i think i can make them work. i have a large multi colored vase that is very ugly, nice shape but very ugly colors! lol! it was something my mom had bought when she went through a "southwest" decor phase, i think i want to paint it a shinny solid color. i also have a set of nesting box shelves that are a light pine color that i can use if i spray paint them. i am thinking silver would be good since i have silver legs on my couch & love seat, & i have silver table lamps. my end tables, coffee table & "other" table are a darker, antique map covered wood with darker almost rusty colored legs. so right now i have a mismatched mess! lol! i like the idea of having mixed colored metals in there since you can see my kitchen very clearly from my living room & i have a silver glass top table with gold accents & the bar chairs that match it sit in my living room at my bar. so unless i want to go crazy with paint & "fix" everything i think it would be best to embrace the mixed metal look & run with it! so, i am thinking about spraying that vase & those shelves silver. i have several silver frames & i have a few things that would match that rusty color on those tables too! i am on the hunt for some big metal flowers to hang over this table... & i want to set some stuff on it so it doesn't look so lonely :-(

i love these flowers!!!

some after pics

^^ i would LOVE to have some curtains & matching throw pillows! & a matching blanket would be nice too! i will make those things whenever i find a fabric that will match & is animal proof! the pillows that can with the couches are all picked up from little paws & nails being too ruff (hehe)
^^ i have to tuck the cable in but for now its like this so i can see how the kitties do with it. i want to hang those box shelves on this wall, after i paint them of course! ^^
^this lamp goes on that other end table, i just moved it for now because the kitties were messing with the cord :/ i want a shorter lamp to go up there or maybe some other sort of decorations... still trying to decide but when i see it i will know!
^^ i am happy with the room from this view! well, aside from the empty candle stick holders & no curtains.

now i want to paint my foyer!

^^ this is where the table in my living room was....^^^

^^^i switched it out for another table i have that matches my kitchen furniture^^^ like i said, i want to paint my foyer but i'm not really sure what color green i want to go with. i know it's gonna be green & i know i want to put something on the walls like these little stickers i found @ http://www.etsy.com/shop/urbanwalls since i have judges paneling & i don't want to remove it, i will probably go with something like this...

i LOVE these full wall stickers too but the judges paneling fucks that up for me... maybe one of these would work some place else though. i love owls & birds :)

B~Day Resolutions #28

2011-01-06T04:30:00.009-05:00

it's almost that time again :) time to make my b~day resolutions! this year i am making my list a little early since i already accomplished all of my resolutions from #27.... so here goes...

#1. improve my posture! i slouch when i sit, i slouch when i stand & about the only time i stand up straight is when i pole. that needs to change before i get a hunchback o_O

#2. stretching! stretching always seams to find its way on my list :) this year i want to focus on getting into over splits (side splits anyway) getting a good & solid center spilt & arm flexibility, i want to be able to reach OVER my head & grab my foot... not sure that will happen in year 28 but i can work on it & get a lot closer for sure!

#3. drink more water & less shitty sugar drinks. if i could get down to one non water beverage a day that would be perfect! well & my coffee isn't going anywhere either! lol! but only one sodas or juice a day, everything else i drink needs to be water. it's so much better for your body so that should be enough for me to make it happen.

#4. make the yogini, aysha, jade split & brass monkey my bitches! & on spinny!!! :-D

#5. read some books! it has been years since i have sat down to read a book. part of this is because i am a lazy ass, part is because i haven't run across anything i am interested in reading.

#6. finish decoration my house!.. at lease the rooms downstairs.

#7. eat more fresh foods.

***note*** i didn't publish this until 4~4~11 so ignore the part at the top about getting started early, lol. i typed this in early january & didn't publish until the day before my birthday :)

more than i ever imagined

2011-01-06T03:42:00.004-05:00

when i first thought about buying a pole i figured it was going to be easy & easy to be sexy while twirling around like the pros do. i was wrong! i also thought it was be a nice little workout & good for a change from my normal workout routine. i never would have imagined it would be so hard to just do the basic easy spins & who would have thought you would have to learn to be sexy while poling?!? after having my pole for 16 months i can safely say poling is my favorite thing i have ever done! it is more than a workout, more than a sport, & so much more than i ever imagined it would be! its a way of life! i can spend hours on end in my pole room dancing away, working on the stuff i already know how to do & learning new tricks :) when i'm done i am still thinking about what i can do next time. i am constantly looking at pole videos, looking for new trick to try out, looking at pole shoes, shorts & tops, checking SV & talking about pole to anyone who will listen. pole even changed how i listen to music, i have always loved music but nowadays i don't just listen to it, i choreograph pole dances in my head to it. i recently found out that my schedule is going to be changing & that may mean less time for pole o_O i HATE knowing i may have to miss out on 9+ hours a week of pole! seriously! it breaks my heart to know that i could have to skimp on my pole time. i an worried about how that will effect my body & my growing strength. in the past i have felt like i wasn't learning anything new because my body had hit a plateau but now i am learning new tricks again & i am so much stronger than i have ever been. i just hope my new work schedule can work with my already established pole schedule! i have been stretching 30 mins after pole so i have gotten a lot more flexible than ever :) i used to dislike stretching but now i love it! it feels great to stretch after a few hours of pole time. i need to take a pole dancing trainer course so i can teach newbies & get money while i play so i don't have to work at some lame ass job that i hate :) i really would like to get certified as a personal trainer & also get certified as a pole instructor so i could do that sort of thing for a full time job. i don't have the money to take the classes i need to get certified & even if i did have the money there aren't any places around me that offer pole classes so i would have to have the money to open my own place, & the money to hire someone who could teach advanced classes since i am in no way advanced, lol. someday i will be able to teach advanced pole classes & maybe by then i will have the money to get certified & open a studio :) & i think i would be good at teaching pole dance.

Bangs! & Sedu love!

2011-01-05T00:51:00.003-05:00

i THINK i want bangs! i haven't had them since i was about 12 & they were horrible back then! i blame that on me being too young to know what to do with my hair & being too old to ask my mom for help, lol! it's been 15+ years so i'm ready to try them again & if it looks like shit i can always pull my hair up with bobbie pins!... right?!?! nowadays i use a flat iron so i'm thinking i can pull off bangs ;-) i want longer bangs, not the short kind that go to your eyebrows. i actually cut "bangs" to my chin on new years day to see if they were annoying & so far so good! i would like to cut them to my cheek area & see how that works out for me. i have really thick hair so i have to do thin/wispy bangs or they "fro out", that is one more reason they looked like shit back when i was 12. Oh & speaking of flat irons, i got a really bad ass one! its a 1 1/2" Sedu Pro Ionic Ceramic Tourmaline Flat Iron! it works very fast & only takes me about 15 mins to straighten my hair! it makes a huge difference! see...

^^^before sedu^^^

^^^after sedu^^^

house stuff

2011-01-04T02:10:00.014-05:00

so... i want to paint my pole room. i want to paint it either silver or bright white. i plan on putting a glaze over it too so i need to decide between glitter glaze & metallic. i would rather the room be a little darker so i'll probably go with the silver with a glitter glaze if it looks OK. i also want to paint a border/frame around my mirror "cluster" & get a few more mirrors to make them go floor to ceiling. when i hung them i wasn't able to climb the pole & i hadn't even begun to work on floorwork so having them only in the middle of the wall made sense.

^^^looking into my pole room^^^

^^^looking "out" of my pole room^^^

^^^the windows in my pole room(i would like to have some better looking curtains too!)^^^

^^^looking out from my pole room into my dining room, which is actually my game room^^^

i would LOVE to move the air hockey table & foosball table upstairs to to black room but they are really heavy & i can't move them by myself so they will be in the dining room until i can make someone help me :D

when i take down my christmas decorations in a few days i will need to re~decorate with my other stuff & since it's all put up i can kinda start fresh :-D i want to buy some white flowers for my living room since it's bright orange i need to stay away from adding even more color, i also wouldn't mind moving the furniture in my living room around. if i do that i'll need to do something with the walls too. i want some big metal flowers for my living room walls so bad but i can't find any that i LOVE! so until i do my walls can stay naked :-p i would also like some new lamps that actually match my shit! & if i could make the fireplace "blend in" a little more that'd be great too! it looked fine back when i had glass top tables in there, now that i have the darker wooden tables it kinda makes the fireplace stick out. IDK i just want it too look like it goes together.

that picture is older so i don't have that shit up on the mantle anymore, now its christmas trees & snowmen (only 2 more days of that) but everything else is the same. so you can see why i want to move things around & put stuff on the walls :D i would LOVE to put that TV up on the mantle just to get it off my floor but its one of the HUGE old TVs so i'm not so sure its a good idea to put something that heavy up there.

i have been eyeing a chandelier from Urban Outfitters for a while now & i've pretty much decided i'm never gonna be able to buy it. BUT the other day when i was taking the above pics of my pole room i happened to look over to my dining room & look what i found!

haha! yup! i have a chandelier in that room just waiting to be used! i never use my dining room, well i put the christmas tree up in there at holiday time & i have my air hockey table & foosball table in there... see, no reason to have a chandelier in that room at all!!! so i want to take it down, paint it & switch it out with the one above my kitchen table :-D

this is the one i've been drooling over

& this is one i saw while looking through etsy

now i know mine is a totally different shape than these but if i can find some paint that is safe to be used on a lamp (in hight heat) & some glass beads i will be able to recreate the look i love for really cheap! my kitchen is belize blue & i have been wanting to incorporate some red in there as an accent color. right now i only have red flowers for my accent color, lol. here are some pictures of my kitchen so you can get a better idea of what i wanna do.

i also want curtains for the windows by my front door. they are pretty expensive so i'll probably never get them :-/ i guess i need to make some!

i have too many ideas & NO money so all i can really do for now is scoot furniture around & blog about i would like to do someday...

*ETA IDK WTF happened with the color of the text on this post :(

Lets Get It! - Ciroc and Roll

2011-01-03T01:18:00.000-05:00

Let's Get It! - Maps

2011-01-03T01:11:00.000-05:00

pole stuff 12.30.2010

2010-12-30T02:01:00.002-05:00

today while i was poling i decided to try inverts on spinny since i hadn't done that in a while & i was a lot better at it than the last time i tried :-D i would say its been about 3 months since i took the pin out & played so i was really happy to see how strong i've become! so far i can only do 3 inverts with out holding the pole with my hands so feeling secure to do that while spinning is a big thing for me :) my parents got me a crash mat for christmas & it should be here by 1.7.11, once it gets here i want to try some new stuff!

it's been a long time...

2010-12-29T00:42:00.015-05:00

Wow! I haven't updated this in forever! Good news! I have stuck to ALL of my B~Day Resolutions :) i have been on a 3 day a week, 3 hour a day pole schedule for well over 6 months, & i can now do several inverts! Inverted Crucifix, Gemini, Scorpio, Cross Knee Release, Basic Butterfly, Cross Ankle Release, working on the Marley, Yogini & i just got my first Superman!

^^CKR ^^

^^Elbow Grip^^

^^Gemini (outside leg hang)^^

^^Scorpio (inside leg hand)^^

^^a sweet bruise from my Yogini attempt^^

pole has been going great! my parents got me a crash mat for christmas so that should be here soon & i can start working some harder inverts & i will be able to get higher up the pole when i invert! I entered a pole competition in october, i was selected to compete but i pulled something in my shoulder & didn't get to :-( but it did help me to complete one more of my B-Day resolutions, i choreographed a routine for my submission video & one for my competition!

i wore shorts almost every day over the summer :-) with SPF 110 all over me so i stayed nice & pale just the way i like me :-D

i cut most of the HFCS out too!!! I also have been stretching a lot more but i am not as flexible as i would like to be. i wanted to start working on over splits 1•1•11 but thats less than a week away & i don't think i will be there by then, i am still working on being more flexible so it will happen soon :) i just found out that my pole idol Alethea Austin is making a stretching DVD & i am super excited about getting that soon! it is scheduled to be out near the end of January 2011! if anyone is interested it will be sold on alethea-austin.net . she is an awesome pole artist so check her out!

let me see.. what else has happened since i last blogged?....

i hit 23,000 in my jeep :-) i think thats pretty good since i got it in February 2006! i love my jeep!

i discovered i am a perfume ho! lol!

i cooked & baked a lot of yummy vegan stuff! i discovered Gardein brand vegan meat replacements AKA "Faux meats". all of their products are insanely delicious!!!

^^Vegan chili mac^^

^^Vegan chicken fried "steak" with gravy && barley, snap peas & carrots^^

^^Veggie soup for the first sunday of NFL football this year^^

^^Potato, onion & mushroom Gnocchi^^

^^Cashew, Apricot & CreamCheese Muffins^^

^^ Primal Strips are so yummy!!^^

^^Gardin Buffalo wings^^

^^my cute new coffee mug^^

^^Chocolate Chunk Hazelnut Muffins^^

^^Peanut Butter Maple Syrup Cookies^^

i broke my first bone over the summer. on July 2nd i was working on a gemini & came out of it too fast & smacked my foot down too hard, my monkey toe popped & turns out thats what happens when you break something o_O ouch!

^^broken toe^^

^^Pups on the 4th of July^^

i had several hummingbirds visit my feeders everyday over during the warmer months, i really enjoyed watching them everyday & so did Alizé & Keyleigh!

i discovered Firefly Vodka!

i went to my first NFL game this year too! i have been a fan for years but i had never been to a game. it was a preseason game so we got to sit really close, only 12 rows from the field :-) i had a lot of fun! Go Falcons!

i was a retro pinup style sailor for halloween this year & had a lot of fun at my parents party!

^^i had to get a pic with my pole while i was dressed up, hehe^^

i went to some shows & had way too much fun, don't remember half of them or how i got home, but i do remember that i had a blast! lol!

^^Of Mice & Men^^

^^Emarosa^^

^^Dance Gavin Dance^^

^^i love the city at night^^

i voted in the Mid-term Elections November 2, 2010. it's fun to "make your voice heard" :-)

i cooked Thanksgiving dinner this year & had my parents over to eat for the first time ever! It was really yummy! i made a "Traditional Style" Roast Tofurky, a OJ & Brown Sugar Tofurky Roast, Green Bean Casserole, Roasted Veggies, Dressin' & Cranberry Chutney.

i crocheted a scarf while watching football on sundays, week 14-15. i just made it up as i went, i think it turned out pretty cute!

it snowed on Christmas here in GA, it was the first time since 1882! && it was my first white christmas EVER! i was really excited :-)

^^all of my babies playing on Christmas morning^^

so, thats whats been going on in my life over the past 8 months :) hopefully i'll remember too update this thing more often! i have misplaced so many recipes since i haven't been entering them here :-( i really should go through my stuff & type the ones i can still find in here!

B~Day Resolutions #27

2010-04-03T10:27:00.011-04:00

its time for B~day resolutions again. instead of new years resolutions, i have been making B~day resolutions for quite a few years now since my B~day is actually the start of a new year for me :-)

#1. stick to a pole dance schedule

#2. stretch more (yes i know this was on here last year too, but i haven't really stuck with it as much as i would like to)

#3. learn at least 3 inverts successfully before 28! (i'm gonna need a crash mat first)

#4. actually choreograph a pole dance routine

#5. wear shorts out in public often! i need to get over blinding people with my paleness && enjoy life & my body :-)

#6. cut out high fructose corn syrup completely! i already have reduced it to only when i go out to eat & have to get something like a fountain drink but its so unhealthy for your body & i should cut it out 100%!

#7. i really want to have "7" this year but i can't think of any other "good" resolutions to make... maybe i'll come back & add another one on here when i think of one...

^^^4~2~10^^^

yummy stuff!

2009-09-22T22:49:00.008-04:00

Organic Hemp Granola Cereal

Yerba Mate Chocolatte

Crispy Cats

Sambazon Rio Energy Acai Juice

Organic Blue Agave Nectar

OMG! nasty stuff in makeup!

2009-05-21T16:40:00.002-04:00

Here is a listing of some surprising animal ingredients to look for on cosmetic labels and some greener alternatives

Ingredient: Allantoin
Source/Use: Found in cows and other mammals and used as a healing agent in many cosmetic creams and lotions
Alternative: Allantoin is also found in many plants, particularly the extract of comfrey root.

Ingredient: Beeswax
Source/Use: Wax from virgin bees is used as a sealant in lipsticks, mascaras, eye creams, lip balms and nail whiteners
Alternative: Paraffin, vegetable oils and fats.

Ingredient: Boar bristles
Source/Use: Hair from boars commonly used in makeup brushes and toothbrushes
Alternative: Nylon or vegetable fibers.

Ingredient: Biotin
Source/Use: Found in all living cells and used in cosmetics and shampoos
Alternative: Plant sources.

Ingredient: Stearyl alcohol or sterols
Source/Use: A mixture of solid alcohols that may sometimes be prepared from sperm whale oil and is used in skin creams, hair rinses and some shampoos
Alternative: Vegetable stearic acid

Ingredient: Fish liver oil
Source/Use: A source of vitamin A sometimes used in cosmetics and hair dyes
Alternative: Vitamin A derivatives from carotene (carrots) or synthetic sources

Ingredient: Mink oil
Source/Use: An emollient used for its moisturizing properties in cosmetics and skin creams
Alternative: Vegetable/natural oils such as avocado, almond and jojoba

Ingredient: Silk/silk powder
Source/Use: The tiny fibers made by silk worms to form a cocoon -- used as a coloring ingredient ion face powders and soaps
Alternative: Milkweed seed-pod fibers or synthetic silks

Ingredient: RNA (Ribonucleic Acid)
Source/Use: Slaughterhouse waste that is commonly used in many protein-enriched shampoos and conditioners
Alternative: Plant cells

Ingredient: Sponge (luna and sea)
Source/Use: A sea animal that looks like a plant and is used as an ingredient for sponges and loofahs
Alternative: synthetic sponges

Ingredient: Stearic acid
Source/Use: Fat extracted from cows, sheep and pigs and used as a lubricant in deodorant, hair spray, shampoo and soap
Alternative: Vegetable fats or coconut

slowly but surely...

2009-03-26T00:39:00.002-04:00

i'm in the process of decorating my kitchen, i've lived in my house for nearly 4 years & i've never really done anything with the kitchen so i'm ready for it to be pretty! up until last week my game room was spilling over into the kitchen so i had a basketball game going on in there, but now it's just a table & thats it!!! i have odd color counter tops so i'm kinda at a loss for color ideas but i think i want to try a periwinkle blue, light/bright blue or maybe a lavender~ish color... not sure at all yet. i have sliver table with a glass table top & the chairs are sliver with white fabric on the seating surface, all of my decorations in that room are silver or white, well white & green because of the leaves on the flowers & i have one little fake potted plant on top of my fridge that hot pink, anyways, there's not a lot holding me back on the whole color thing except for the orange~ish counter tops &&& my living room (that you can see from the kitchen) is painted orange too! hehe! i really want to get a paint sample of a few fun/bright blues & light purples to see how they would look, i usually hate purples but i think the right shade might be pretty in there! i also want to do something cool for a back splash, something either painted in fun colors, or maybe something out of a cool material, not sure what though. if all else fails i seriously think yellow would be pretty in there so i could end up with a yellow kitchen in the end, lol. but i'm gonna try the others first :-)

anyways thats what i'm up to!

landscape lights

2009-03-12T01:28:00.004-04:00

today i was given some solar powered landscape lights so i spent some time installing them & i love them! they were easy to install & they are really pretty & make my house look pimpin' at night :-) they look cool in the day time too but especially at night!
yay for solar power!

almost 26, time for some goals

2009-03-06T00:38:00.006-05:00

i thought as a birthday present to myself i would make a list of things i would like to improve on, i guess you would call those *B~Day Resolutions*, anyways, here goes....

stretch EVERYDAY! all 7 day a week, for real & forever! flexibility is an awesome thing & i'm not that bendy :-) but i can be, i know it!

put lotion on my whole body twice a day, everyday! i'm only gonna get one shot at good skin so i shouldn't screw it up by slacking off! same goes for sunscreen, i need to be sure to ALWAYS (in daylight hours) have SPF on!

eat more veggies & fruit, especially dark greens!

drink more water! i think i need a new filtration system & a cool refillable water bottle that can go in the dishwasher OR can be cleaned real easy, i have a phobia about reusing things with caps on them... it's gross to me :-( i want to get over that.

floss more ! it's bad that i have to add that, but i really hate to floss :-( i'm a dirty kid, lol

learn new languages! i'm currently working on french. i would really, really like to learn how to speak, read & write in other languages... starting with french!

i may have more than that but i cant think of anything else right now... i think *6* goals for 26 is pretty good since i actually want these things to stick & be part of my life for good, no need to overwhelm myself.

&&& OMG! why is the freaking time changing so early??? i liked it better when it was closer to my B~day, it's sad to me, i'm was an extra added celebration for my B~day.

February 20th 2009

2009-02-20T01:22:00.002-05:00

i have a lot to say so here goes...

Bella's 5th birthday is next thursday so i have been trying to come up with a nice doggy friendly vegan cake recipe to make for her, i think i am going to make a pineapple cake but i'm not sure about the icing yet. i really want it to be healthy or at the very least not terribly unhealthy for them. i got her a cut little squeaky plush diamond ring & martini for her B~day & a cute shirt && a collar... i hope she likes her stuff :-D i always get excited about my babies birthdays, lol. i need to get both pups new ID tags, i had changed my # around thanksgiving & when i got the pups new ID tags i got christmasy ones, so yeah i would say i need to get them some normal ones :-)

i haven't been knitting much lately, i have been bored with patterns & the yarn that i have in my stash is boring too :-( i have one more row to sew together on my filet crochet bat blanket & then that will be done, yay! too bad i'm being lazy with my crafty stuff.

this past wednesday i *rediscovered* vegan cheese! i had tried several brands in the past & i wasn't very impressed so i kinda gave up on having cheese for a few years, anyways, i tried the follow your heart vegan gourmet cheddar & i LOVE it! i think i have been vegan for so long that i forget how animal milk cheese taste, lol. i made some mac & cheese with it & i thought it turned out really yummy, Gary (he's a newbie vegetarian) liked it too & said he "could see where i would think that tasted like cheese" so i guess it's somewhat close. it melted very nicely too! yum!

i've been looking for a nice little pair of vegan pumps in a cute/fun color, i'm having trouble finding any locally. i also want some cute new earrings... i'm just saying :-)

OMG! liveMocha! i have been learning french for free on a online site livemocha.com i also signed up for spanish & something else that i can't think of right now. you can take as many languages as you want, i like it a lot.

moving on to super girly stuff (lol).. last spring i started using a diva cup, i loved it from the start, even with the slight *learning curve* i just had to say i love, love, love it! it is well worth the $30! i LOVE it! can't imagine life without it.

well, i think i've said everything that was on my mind... night!

wonder if...

2009-02-19T01:34:00.002-05:00

years ago before i was vegan, i used to make a pineapple casserole that was so good! i recently discovered the follow your heart cheddar cheese & i think i could make it using that... i'll post the recipe here if it works.

vegan mac & cheese!!!

2009-02-19T00:06:00.004-05:00

(& the cheese really melts too)

Ingredients

1 package elbow macaroni noodles

5 oz (1/2 package) of *Follow Your Heart* Vegan Gourmet Cheddar flavor *cheese

3 Tablespoons of earth balance natural buttery spread

3/4 cup of plain soy milk

enough vegan bouillon cubes to cook pasta in

garlic salt to taste (i used about 1.5 table spoons, i like my stuff salty)

Directions (read directions completely before you start cooking this)

Bring water to a boil, add bouillon cubes & add pasta. Start timing when the water returns to a boil. Most pastas cook in 8-12 minutes. Be sure to check the directions on YOUR package!

While the pasta is cooking shred the cheese (i used a food processor) add the butter, milk & 1.5 tablespoons garlic salt, mix well.

Drain pasta leaving a little of the *bouillon water* not so much that it's floating, just a small amount, about 1/8 cup~ish :-D return pasta to hot pot, add cheese mixture & put it back on the stove top over medium heat for a few minutes to melt the cheese. do a taste test at this point to see if you need to add more garlic salt. i suggest adding 1 teaspoon at a time until you get the flavor you are looking for.

serve in a bowl alone OR along side steamed veggies & some sort of mock meat.

& enjoy!

Banana Split Loaf

2009-01-29T00:31:00.002-05:00

2.5 cups flour
1/4 - 1/3 cups vegan butter
3 large OR 4 medium bananas
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
1/3 cup crushed (&drained) pineapple
1/4 cup chopped pecans
1/4 cup chopped almonds
1/3 cup dark chocolate chips
1/3 cup drained maraschino cherries
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsps baking powder
& small amount of veggie (or corn) oil for *greasing* the loaf pan

vanilla frosting (optional)

mix flour, salt & baking powder & set aside.

pre-heat your over to 375º & grease your loaf pan!

in a food processor mix the bananas, both sugars, butter until smooth. add the dry ingredience, mix in until doughy... next add the cherries & pulse for a few seconds to lightly chop incorporate well. finally pour the mix back into your mixing bowl so you can fold in the nuts, pineapple & chocolate chips. pour mix into greased loaf pan & bake on 375º (on the middle rack, in the center of the oven) for about an hour or until a toothpick comes out clean from the middle. loosen from loaf pan with soft rubber spatula while its warm, cut & after it cools down a bit. store in a air tight container after it's completely cool.

this makes a nice breakfast loaf or you can drizzle it with frosting for an extra yummy dessert!

nice vegan blog

2009-01-20T13:16:00.001-05:00

http://peacefulprairie.blogspot.com/2008/05/letter-from-vegan-world.html

White Bean & Pecan Bruschetta

2009-01-14T12:21:00.001-05:00

1 cup cannellini beans (white navy beans)
2 tsp red wine vinegar
3/4 c. tomatos, minced
1/3 cup pecans, chopped
1 med - large clove garlic, minced
1 1/2 TBSP extra virgin olive oil
1/4 tsp Sea salt
fresh ground pepper to taste
1 TBSP oregano, chopped
1/4 - 1/3 cup fresh basil, chopped (may use fresh parsley)

CRUSTY BREAD OR PITA BREADS

IN A BOWL COMBINE ALL INGREDIENTS & COMBINE WELL. (I USE THE FOOD PROCESSOR).

DRIZZLE WITH EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL TO FINISH.

(i got this from my mom. not sure where she got it from but when i find out i will add a link)

SLIGHTLY TOAST BREAD, SPOON MIXTURE ONTO BREAD SLICES

10.29.08

2008-10-29T00:25:00.002-04:00

it's been awhile since my last post, haven't had much to blog about lately... i can't believe October is almost over! this whole year has just flown by for me! i have been on fall break for the last week & it has been great! i love my job ;-) while on my *fall break* i have cleaned all the carpets in my house, caught up on laundry & household chores that usually get pushed aside. i have also been able to catch up on some sleep :-) yay for sleeping in past 8:30am! lol!

Halloween is just two days away :-) i'm getting excited since we actually have a costume party to attend this weekend, we haven't dressed up for halloween in ten years! lol! the last time we did the halloween thing Gary dumped a whole HUGE box (with a sign that said "take one") of 100 Grand candy bars in mine & Tonya's trick or treat bags, lol! like i said it was ten years ago so i think we have grown up since then, hopefully we will stay out of trouble this year :-) anyways, Gary & I are gonna be pirates, Osker is gonna be a army boy & Bella is gonna be a princess... i'll post pics after the weekend.

IDK if i blogged about this or not but i finished my granny's scarf & sent it to her... she LOVES it! yay! i am about to start knitting my very first long sleeved item for a person, it's a zip up hoodie from the DomiKNITrix book called *L'il Red Riding Hoodie* i love bamboo yarns so i'm gonna knit it using Bernat Bamboo yarn in Corn with Water (or Dill) stripes.... or if i decide to make it one solid color i'm gonna use either Dill or Wicker... i haven't really decided on the color(s) yet. i already have 4 or 5 balls of the Corn so i would love to pick a cute color to go with it but i'm not sure yet, i don't want it to look like baby clothes. I also want to make two of the Jughead hat's from that book. i have the yarn for that thank god! i need a brown hat & some cool brown mitts... maybe i will knit those 3 things while i figure out the colors for my hoodie =]

it's turning cold where we live & my dogs need warm clothes. i need to get my ass to the cloth store to buy some micro fleece so i can attempt to sew some suits for them. it would be so much cheaper to make those instead of buying them! they run about $60 - $70 for each suit! pretty crazy huh?

10.4.08

2008-10-14T10:24:00.005-04:00

let's start this off by saying "i hate the bitch who cut layers in my hair back in feb." if you will recall she did this WITHOUT asking & i am still paying the price! first off, she cut layers in my THICK hair..thats a big no no! second, she cut SHORT layers in there, like up to my fucking neck! stupid fucking bitch! i really love having long hair, i realllllly don't want to have it all cut off but those stupid layers i didn't ask for are needing to be trimmed bad, every time i run my fingers through my hair my hand gets stuck about a third or the way down because of tangled layers :-( it's so bad that i can't wear my hair down :-( fuck fuck fuck!!!

okey dokey, thats enough bitching for now :-) on the the good stuff!!!!

i finished knitting the *breast cancer support ribbon illusion scarf* for my granny :-) i'm gonna send it out this week, yay! it's 6 feet long, a nice big snuggly scarf :-)

a knitting group i am in (which has to remain nameless because this is a secret project) is making a afghan for someone special so i made my two squares this weekend, one is knitted (2x2 rib smocking) & one is crochet (hdc & dc). i had never done anything like the *2x2 rib smocking* before & i was suprised how easy it was! i really like the way that square turned out :-)

& i started crocheting a sweater for bella this weekend too! i think i'm gonna make it close with a little zipper in the front.

thats all for now :-)

September 25th 2008

2008-09-25T09:52:00.002-04:00

last night i finished the main part of my armwarmers, all i have to do is knit the thumbs & i will be 100% done, yay! here are a few pics of what i have so far....

i'll post more when i add the thumbs :-) hopefully that will be tonight... or maybe tomorrow, lol!

last night after i *finished* my armwarmers, i cast on for my granny's scarf & i love the yarn i am using for it, it's so soft & it looks real pretty too! i can't believe it's already the end of September! it feels like this month has flown by!

i have been slacking on cooking lately, i just don't know what to make anymore. i want to make something new & exciting but nothing really sounds good = / i need to get to lookin' & make some yummies! lol!

OMG! a few weeks ago i got a book called *50 Games to Play With Your Dog* & it had some awesome ideas! since i got the book both of my pups have learned to *touch* & *push*, they are very eager to learn new things! i think i need to add something new to the mix again soon.

well, i'm off to work!

September 18th 2008

2008-09-18T23:17:00.003-04:00

i colored my hair again today...see

i feel like it is getting to the color i was trying to get the last time i colored it :-) it's still pink, but its more of a pink~ish ~ red~ish color now. i figured it would be kinda hard to get it back to a *mainstream* color, yepperz...

anyways, i have been working on (crocheting) my *batty blanket* again, only 20 more to go = ] i'm still working on (knitting) the cabled armwarmers & bella's fuzzy sweater &&& i want to make my granny a scarf! October is breast cancer awareness month & she is a breast cancer survivor so i want to make her something pink next month! i was thinking of making an illusion pink ribbon scarf, i honestly don't know if she would use it or not but i think it's pretty cool, i bet she would think it was neat & it's a sweet idea... even if i do say so myself & even if she didn't use it :-) i saw a pattern for a pink ribbon illusion dishcloth , i'm just gonna use that pattern, make a bunch of 'em all in a row with a nice & soft yarn & call it a scarf! lol!

OMG last night Gary surprised me with the domiKNITrix book! it has tons of cool patterns!!! i wanna make these first: Snood (spiral mesh cap), snow devil hat, L'il red riding hoodie, diva halter, jughead hat & elfin bride! i also LOVE the city coat but i won't be making it anytime soon because it takes a TON of yarn! almost two THOUSAND yards!!!

ok! i'm going to bed!!!

check it = ]

2008-09-16T13:43:00.003-04:00

watch the videos on this site meet your meat & listen to all of these, the one called animals is a good one to start with!

& just incase you didn't already know...... if you support the dairy industry you support abuse & murder! go vegan = ]

boooooooo!

2008-09-16T00:31:00.000-04:00

cowboys won... that means i didn't win :-(

9.14.08 NFL week 2

2008-09-14T23:38:00.003-04:00

this morning i picked which teams i thought would win in the games today... heres how it turned out :-)

MY BEST PICKS :-)

OAK / KC i picked OAK Raiders :-)

GB / DET i picked GB Packers :-)

CHI / CAR i picked CAR Panthers :-)

IND / MIN i picked IND Colts :-)

NO / WSH i picked WSH Redskins :-)

ATL / TB i picked TB Buccaneers :-p

DEN / SD i picked DEN Broncos :-)

PIT / CLE i picked PIT Steelers :-)

_____________________________

8 TOTAL!!!

*************************************

MY BAD CHOICES :-(

BUF / JAX i picked JAX jaguars :-(

TEN / CIN i picked CIN Bengals :-(

NYG / STL i picked STL Rams :-(

SF / SEA i picked SEA Seahawks :-(

MIA / ARZ i picked MIA Dolphins :-(

NE / NYJ i picked NYJ Jets :-(

______________________________

6 TOTAL

***********************************************

so almost half & half :-) better luck pickin' next week

Oh & i'm pickin' Eagles for tomorrows game :-) hope that works out well :-)

WTF?!?!?!?

2008-09-12T11:31:00.001-04:00

for some reason a TON of the songs on my playlist have stopped working!

i don't have time to fix it now & it sux!

something was brought to my attention...

2008-09-12T10:41:00.005-04:00

something was brought to my attention, years after the fact... the Taking Back Sunday / Brand New *feud* so i added the songs to my playlist, all together at the bottom :-) the songs are awesome even if you had no idea that they were *feuding* at the time. listen & enjoy!

Brand New - Seventy Times 7

Taking Back Sunday - There's No "I" In Team

Brand New - Mix Tape

Taking Back Sunday - Timberwolves At New Jersey lyrics

Brand New - I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't

Taking Back Sunday - ...Slowdance On The Inside

Hemp Seed

2008-09-08T23:52:00.004-04:00

"No other single plant source has the essential amino acids in such an easily digestible form, nor has the essential fatty acids in as perfect a ratio to meet human nutritional needs." read more...

they really don't have much of a taste, but they are really good for you! so far i have had them on salad & in oatmeal, i couldn't really taste them in either.